22 Days Until Christmas

I had this great idea on December 1st to do blog posts every day counting down to Christmas. One of my roommates in college once told me that I'm really good at planning things and not very good at executing them. The trait continues!

Today though, I am trying to complete a homework assignment even though it's 11:40 at night and I am absolutely exhausted. Today, I was at an ASIST (Applied suicide intervention skills training) one of two day course. Being a youth worker, the information is very beneficial, but it's also incredibly draining.

During the training we were given the task to do something that was life giving this evening. Since I didn't get home until 10:45, I wasn't sure what that was going to be. I decided that I would go with the classic candles, music, and blogging. Now that I think of it, when I was meeting with my pastoral leader she gave me a back message along with a cup of tea and biscuits. All very life giving.

The last few weeks have gone by so quickly. It's so easy to get so busy with life that you can forget to take time to do things that are life giving. I was reminded today of how easy it can be to pressure ourselves with the many needs around us when in reality God is calling us to do the task in which he has laid right before us. He provides the grace in which we need as long as we rely on him. For now, I pray for the grace to have a good nights sleep in order to beat this cold!

Love

I am absolutely wrecked! I had such a blast tonight at a haunted forest Halloween thing YI was helping with today. I didn't know that it was going to be a haunted forest or that I was going to be outside of hours. Needless to say, I was not very excited.

I don't really like Halloween as much as I used to. I hate taking the time, energy, and money to figure out a costume. I hate how it has become so scarey, demonic, and sexualized. I loved it as a kid, but now I kind of wander if it actually is a holiday worth celebrating.

Tonight I had an absolute blast! It was my job to take Micky and Minnie Mouse around to the kids. Basically, I made sure that they were facing the right direction, knew where the kids were, that they were able to move about giving the kids hugs, high fives, and taking pictures since they were barely able to see. I loved seeing the joy on the kids faces when they were able to see Micky and Minnie. It was my responsibility to make the mouse couple successful and serve them because they weren't able to see anything. I loved how high energy it was and how much I was able to interact with different people.

It was especially neat to have kids who knew me from school or the neighborhood call out my name even if I didn't know who they were. I spend a lot of time doing outreach in a local high school and on the streets once a week. I'm becoming a mini American celebrity in West Belfast. I love it! One 12 year old girl we met out on the streets a couple of weeks ago started coming to a couple of our social events this week. It's neat to see how our efforts in outreach is building relationships and getting youth involved in our programs.

Today we had about 40 young people ages 11-18 go on a day trip ice skating and bowling. I loved skating alongside preteen girls who gripped my hand in fear as I taught them out to skate. As I was skating with these young people, and entering into their fears and vulnerability, I realized how much I was beginning to love them.

Love is a crazy thing. I don't really understand how love works. This is border line for being too deep for my tired little brain. We'll see what happens though! :0) I remember being 16 years old just getting back from Sierra Leone, West Africa and being shocked by how much my heart could expand to love people. I didn't understand how it was possible for me to love those children in Africa so much. But I did. And after going a second time, I realized that I honestly loved 80 plus children from the bottom of my heart. It didn't make sense, and I didn't understand how it was even possible.

My dear friend Kayla Boi with a group of children from a hospital we visited on our first trip to Sierra Leone. Many nights after coming home, I would cry myself to sleep thinking about them. I really cared about them, and it broke my heart to know that I will never know what happened to them.

Joseph and Saidu. Two boys who I love to death. They truly are like my younger brothers. I still pray and think about them often.


Now I'm sure that there were times in college when I experienced this kind of love as well. During college it was different though; it was probably more about realizing that I could love my friends in ways that are different from loving my family. Sometimes I preferred to be with my friends than with my family, and that was something very new for me. Some of my friends became my family.

The funny thing about love is that it hurts. It hurts a lot. I was talking today to someone who wondered if it was worth investing in a relationship knowing that it was going to end in less than a year. I told her that we never know where the relationship will end up, but that the joy of the relationship is always worth so much more than the pain of the separation. There is a Garth Brooks song called "The Dance." It talks about "Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I would had to miss the dance." I was reminded of my cousin Patrick who died at the age of 4 from cancer. My family could have missed a lot of pain, but 4 years with Patrick was so much better than ever not knowing him. He was such an incredible little boy who taught me a lot even at a young age.

I don't know if I realized how much I loved loving people until I went to Detroit for the first time. There was a guy named Jamie Graham from Glasgow, Scotland, and... if you know him... you are probably eagerly waiting to hear what I am going to say about him and how this ties into everything. Jamie isn't like any other person I have ever met. He's outspoken, sarcastic, opinionated, annoying, outgoing, LOUD, and he doesn't necessarily follow "cultural norms". Now this looks like I am painting a really bad picture of him, but the truth is I love him to death and he's an incredible guy. I don't really know when it happened, but some how I pushed past his "Non-Minnesota niceness" and got on with him brilliantly. To this day, I would say he is my favorite person from Scotland.

JAMIE!

On the last day of DSO during dinner, we had a bit of time in which we could honor one another. Jamie got up to honor me for the way we were able to get on and my ability to love lots of different kinds of people. It was really neat because I don't think I even recognized that about myself. I served and loved the homeless, young children, and teenagers all within six weeks of service in Detroit. It can often be challenging to relate with such a variety of people, and Jamie expected it to be challenging for me to. He was surprised that it wasn't. Again, the Lord gave me a heart for His people, and I loved them unconditionally without really knowing what I was doing.

For the last three weeks of the summer, I was put on Jamie's street team working with high schoolers doing manual labor around the city of Detroit. I knew there were a girl or two who the rest of the staff were completely fed up with. Since I was new to the crew, I decided to take on the challenge of one of the girls named Sequoya. Little did I know that I would be making a decision that would change the rest of my life. Every single day I worked alongside Sequoya and Malaka even when they didn't want me to. We talked about a lot of things while pulling weeds, cleaning, gardening, and doing loads of other tedious jobs.

Erica, Malaka, Sequoya, and I at the Street Team closing banquet.

Sequoya had a big attitude... some may say a big attitude problem, but I would say just a big attitude. She always seemed to be pissed off at the world, she had really short patience, she didn't like being told what to do, and if you messed with her- she would take you out. I loved her immediately. I would work alongside of her whenever possible. She caught on and it annoyed her. I liked the challenge of getting to know her and building a relationship with her. We talked about her anger and ways to just ignore the other girls. She also liked telling me about hood rats and other things this white Iowan girl never heard of before. One day while gardening, I was talking to her and I put my hand on her arm. She totally freaked out. Don't touch her! I would remember that for next time. Next time, proved to be different. On our last day of work, she gave me a big hug. All the staff were shocked, but I knew that love truly bears all things... even big attitudes.

I was shocked two months later when I was starting up the Youth Works-Detroit girls youth group by how much Sequoya had changed. She was even a bit surprised by how she felt happier and more patient with people especially in the crowded hallways at school. Our youth group was really small. And that was often challenging for me because it didn't look like a "normal" youth group. I was blessed with the opportunity not to only meet with the girls regularly but also with their families. By sitting in their homes (I don't have words to even begin to describe their home lives or the issues they faced. Someone once described it as "If you were to list serious issues that a family might face your list would probably be shorter than the list of issues that this family had encountered."), I learned what it meant to be a Christian. I walked the road to Calvary with these families, I felt the pain of the crucifixion over and over again, but I also remembered and rejoiced in the resurrection of Jesus Christ when we will one day stand before Him in the heavenly Jerusalem where pain and sorrow will be no more. It was through these girls and their families that I experienced more love and sorrow than I ever imagined possible. It was there where I found Jesus.

Andy, another youth worker in Detroit, and I spent a lot of time with Sequoya and her brothers throughout our year in Detroit.

Out with the youth group girls.

There is a line in the song "When I Survey the Wonderous Cross" that goes See from His head, His hands, His feet, Sorrow and love flow mingled down! Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, Or thorns compose so rich a crown? Coming to Belfast, I was hesitant to love like I had in Detroit. There was a lot that I hadn't processed through (and in which I am still processing through), and I wasn't sure if I was ready to dive into deep relationships in a new city, in a new country, and with a new ministry remembering how much it had hurt in Detroit. While on our staff residential, God reminded me of the truth of the cross. It's not only about sorrow but also about love. Yes, there is extreme pain, but also the glorious resurrection where my hope lies. I continue to set my gaze heavenward remembering the Christ is already victorious over sin and death.

There is another bit in the song that goes Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all. That brings me back to ice skating. Love itself gave everything it had, and it demands me to do the same. I am blessed beyond belief to be loved beyond measure by the Creator of the heaven and earth. To be loved by so many people all around the world, it's indescribable! I know that God is going to continue bringing people into my life to love. But it's nothing that I have to fear or worry about because He's the one who provides everything that I need as my heart continues to expand and be filled with more and more love each day. I don't love my family, the children in Africa, my collage mates, Jamie, or the girls in Detroit any less because I am no longer with them. I'm no Grinch! Rather my heart will continue to grow through the grace of God even through the painful bits as I enter into His love for His people. That's all I want to do with my life- love people. Some days I do it better than others, but I pray that God is the one doing the loving and that I continue to be able to journey alongside His people no matter where in the world I might be. For now, it's in Belfast. Praise the Lord!

StumbleUpon

While living in household 3 years ago, my roommates were often on StumbleUpon a website that will help you discover great websites, videos, photos, and facts from the internet. For some of my roommates it became regular habit to "stumble" after checking her e-mail and facebook and any other form of procrastinating before starting an assignment. I never visited the website myself, but I heard lots about it as I learned fun facts.

Today I thought about the website for the first time in over a year while exploring Belfast City Centre. (I did it! I spelled City Centre as if I am from Belfast. Please note, won't spell it any other time like that except when referring to Belfast). Today, I had the whole afternoon and evening free, so I decided to explore the city centre. I needed to by a few things for Matthew's birthday which is two days before mine. Besides that I had no agenda, so I decided to walk around.

I haven't spent much time in the City Centre since moving to Belfast. My weekends have been really busy since being here, but I have reflecting a lot recently about what brings me life and restores me from the business of life. The downtown of cities just speaks to my heart in ways no other places do. It's an automatic "happiness" moment. Sometimes after hard weeks in Detroit, I would just leave work early and drive downtown and walk along the river. There were also many times I would drive around at night in awe of the massive buildings lit up. My roommate Alex knew the way to calm me down after being stressed out by student teaching and my final year of uni. She would just take me on a drive to downtown Minneapolis with music blaring, windows open, and thoughts flooding without having to say a word. For being a small town girl, I LOVE city life.

While getting my city fix today, I stumbled upon majesticness. Side note: a moment of truth. I don't do a very good job researching the cities I live in before going. Rather I allow the city to show me what it has to offer, talk to locals, and figure out the rest later. For some reason, I turned down this little alley way and I saw this massive cathedral. I can't put into words what it was like to stumble upon something that beautiful at the end of such a random alley.

St. Anne's Cathedral- also known as Belfast Cathedral is the cathedral for the Church of Ireland.

As I was walking across this open square up to the cathedral I was struck by the words written on a slab of concrete in the middle of the square.

"I was born in Belfast and brought up to believe that, like St. Paul, I am a citizen of no mean city."

I continued walking around the square and saw quotes from men who had lived, worked, and loved the city of Belfast. My favorite was finding a C.S. Lewis who was born in East Belfast. As I continued reading, I realized that I was in Writer's Square. It was brilliant because that's exactly what I wanted to do was sit down, think, write, and be creative.

I absolutely loved my time in the city centre today. Time seemed to go in slow motion as I discovered incredible shopping centers, window shopped, looked down cute alleys, and enjoyed living in a city in Europe. It was so incredible. Sorry, I don't have more pictures. My camera started dying at the beginning of the evening. There will be more to come because I have much more to explore.

Ladies Nights

Babies, men, pregnancy, cooking, cleaning, and wine - some of the topics of discussion. One of the best parts of living with a young couple is that I am invited along with them to their social events. Last night, Judie Dick (this is your shout out :0) hosted a dinner and evening for a few of her close friends, and I was lucky enough to be invited along too. The dinner, dessert, and cheese were absolutely delicious, but within that one evening I learned more about being married, the pregnancy process, and having children than I even would have imagined was possible in one evening. Afterwards, a couple of people asked if I felt awkward, but the truth was I felt blessed to be among a group of women who were so welcoming to me. It didn't really matter if I was able to chime in about "my husband/lack of husband" or not. Rather I was able to share life with women who really loved and cared for each other, something I have really been longing for since moving to Belfast.

I'm in this strange age group/state in life where I can float back and forth between the college crowd and the married/stable "ish" in life crowd. I love being apart of both groups because it offers me a wide range of friendships, conversations, and life experiences. Some people get bitter and long to be back in college or happily married. Honestly, I sometimes wish for that too. At the same time, I'm so blessed by the life I have. I'm grateful for the opportunities to pick up my entire life, buy a one way ticket to Belfast, and settle into a completely new culture and community. As the young people always say "YOLO- You Only Live Once!"

Brown Sauce

Today, I was reading an article in a magazine about a guy who traveled to Japan. The article began describing all these differences he noticed the first few days like how clean the streets were without any rubbish bins or how quiet the subways were. Little things that natives never notice, but as a foreigner you can't help but to notice.

I continued reading the story while piling onto my fork toast with melted cheese o, baked beans, and brown sauce. I never would have imagined that this random assortment of food would be something I would eat for breakfast, but since moving to Ireland things that I once thought to be "strange" have become my new normal.

Brown Sauce: I heard my UK friends talk about it all the time while I was in Michigan. They missed it a lot and always wanted to put it on their food. I never really understand what it was. I imagined it being like some kind of brown gravy. When I first got to Belfast, someone described it more like BBQ sauce. After tasting it, I realized that it can't really be described, and it most be an acquired taste. It has a strong vinegar bite, but it adds a bit of flavor to your meal.

Wikipedia describes it as: Brown sauce is a traditional condiment served with food in the United Kingdom and Ireland, normally brown or dark orange in colour, and made from a varying combination of tomatoes, molasses, dates, tamarind, spices, vinegar, and sometimes raisins or anchovies. The taste is either tart or sweet with a peppery taste similar to Worcestershire sauce. It is similar but not identical to steak sauce in the United States, which historically derives from it, barbeque sauce in Australia, and tonkatsu sauce in Japan.

As the saying goes,

When in Rome do as the Romans do.

I'm trying not to compare the food from back home to here so much because I realized that much of it isn't a difference between what's better or best (except the chocolate here is much better), but rather it deals with what you grew up with and what your willing to try. I don't know why the pancakes are so small here or why baked beans are a part of breakfast, but you get used to it. Slowly over time it becomes the new normal as I add a little "sauce" to my life.

From an Email Home

I realized that I hadn't blogged all week since this week has been so busy! Here is a brief e-mail that I sent home to my parents about my week:


This week has been CRAZY! Probably crazier than usual because I have had several meetings in the evenings. I have been doing well though. I still have a bit of a cold, but I have been getting 7 or so hours of sleep each night and I have been making sure to drink enough fluids. So it's still there a bit, but it's not too bad.

This weekend we are going on a volunteers residential (retreat). The YI model is where you have youth come through the programs and after they have been involved for a year or two or three, you have them starting volunteering with the younger youths or even with other programs for their peers. Twice during the year, there is a massive retreat for all of them from West Belfast (where I work), East Belfast, Banbridge, and Down Patrick where each branch of YI is located.

It was neat because I am starting to become good friends with a girl named Heather who is the new girls worker for Banbridge. She did a gap year in Northern Ireland (where she's from) with a bunch of Americans, so she knows the American culture well. She is also a deep thinker and verbal processor, so we have hit it off well. She also loves Belfast and taking new people around the city. Last night we went to this neat pub near Queens University that was really delicious and pretty cheap. The best part of my night (outside of spending time with Heather talking and laughing) was going to this coffee shop called Common Ground. It reminded me so much of places I would go to in Minnesota. It was really great to be able to find a "Sarah" place within Belfast. Common Ground is a hip church run coffee shop that attracts loads of different people from different communities and even countries since it's located near the international student housing at Queens University. I also had the best piece of chocolate cake in my entire life. It was mostly gooey fudge (warmed) with a bit of cake and of course whipped cream. AMAZING!

God continues to be so faithful to me here and provide for my needs no matter how small they are. People have been so generous and welcoming. I am slowly finding my way around and figuring out little things. I am also getting more used to eating a bit differently than what I would at home. My schedule has finally been figured out, so I should have a bit of "stability" in my life whatever that means. I'll update you more with what I am exactly doing sometime next week.

Outside in Ireland

Residentials: I think they are going to become my favorite weekend activity while in N. Ireland. You go on a retreat with a bunch of people some where out in the country where everything is green, hilly, and beautiful. Usually there is a little cottage you stay in with a fire place and mountains in the background. It's truly living straight out of a dream.

This past week, I went to Downpatrick. It is said that St. Patrick is buried there (but another place claims that as well, but most people accept that he's in Downpatrick), so it is a place of pilgrimage. I was there for a University Christian Outreach (UCO) retreat. I was involved with UCO while I was in Michigan, so I am grateful for the opportunity to be involved with young adults here in Ireland who want to built Christian environments to reach other students and disciple them. It was an incredible weekend to get to know each other and set a vision for the year.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was Saturday afternoon when a small group of us ventured up a little trail to the top of one of the mountains (or it could be called a large hill). It was so beautiful and incredible. Words can't describe the beauty of Ireland or how the hills just continue rolling in different shades of green or the how the sheep speckle the land or how majestic the mountains look when the clouds dance along the tops of them. It isn't the same as a breath taking view of a large mountain or a spectacular waterfall. Rather it's this continual beauty and fingerprint of God all around you. It's these moments that brighten my heart and when I stand in awe saying "I'm outside in Ireland right now. This isn't a dream, but I am really here in this incredibly beautiful place."

While in a field dodging piles of cow dung, we enjoyed the view, played frisbee, and scoped the scenery around us using binoculars. It was a great time to just be and have fun with one another. I am so blessed to be in a beautiful country and even more blessed by the community around me. I know these pictures don't do it just, but I thought you might enjoy a glimpse from my weekend view outside in Ireland.

Donating Online

Thank you to all of you who have supported me financially or showed interest in supporting me financially. I know that there has been some confusion on how to give online through the Sword of the Spirit E-give page. Below is instructions on how to give online. If you still have questions, please e-mail me at sarah.nilles@gmail.com.

Giving online:

1) Go to http://sos-nar.com/eGive.htm

2) Click on the

Click Here to Give >> eGive

3) MAKE A GIFT WITHOUT AN ACCOUNT Give to your favorite organizations without an account. Use our online form to complete your gift now! (Unless you want an account)

4) ENTER YOUR INFORMATION

5) ENTER BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION

6) ENTER GIFT INFORMATION
LOOK FOR LINE THAT SAYS : Support a gapper or staff (enter name at Special Instructions)

7) AT THE BOTTOM LOOK FOR:

Special Instructions
Please specify any other instructions for the breakdown of gift

.

TYPE IN

Sarah Nilles, Youth Initiatives

IN THE BOX.

TA DA! You're done. I will then receive an e-mail from this incredible lady named Jan who is processing all of my donations. At the end of the month, Jan will send a check to Doug who is the director of YI here in Belfast who will make sure I get the money to pay for rent, buy toothpaste, and other personal needs.

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. God has made it very clear that I am meant to be here. I know I wouldn't be able to do the work he has for me without you back home! You are all so incredible. Cheers!

A Home Away From Home

I am starting to settle into my life here in Belfast. The past week has been a whirlwind or as they would say here "mental." Despite the craziness of everything, I feel really at home with the family I am staying with. They are a young couple just a few years older than me who just had their first baby 5 weeks ago. Sheena is from the States, and Matthew grew up in Belfast. Everyone LOVES them, so I am quite grateful that I get to live with them. It's helpful that they have both lived in the States because they help make the transition a little smoother because they have both been through it as well.

I always find when I move to a new place that the things I worried about haven't been a problem, but there are LOADS of things that are challenging that I had no idea about. Everyone speaks really fast and uses so many words that are different than American English. Within the house the light switches, electric plugs, and showers are different too. When I move to new places, I talk about being in "survival" mode until it becomes second nature. Fortunately, I am starting to figure out the bus and taxi system which has been helpful. I have also met lots of people within a Christian community called Charis here as well as getting to know some people I will be working with.

Below are some pictures of the house and neighborhood that I live in. Things are much smaller than here than they are in the States (cars, refrigerators, houses, milk cartons, etc.) The food has been incredible and full of abundance... especially wine which I eat at most dinners followed by tea. They truly eat lots of potatoes, but I will write more about food another time. Enjoy the view of my house on Erinvale Gardens.










When you wake into the house, there is a staircase to the upstairs bedrooms and a little front room. Then you walk through another door (we keep it closed because of the dog) and there is the living room and kitchen which are connected.





I was so worried about having a "blah" room, but it is so bright and beautiful. It's my little joy place. Thanks to my friend, Anna, for the HOPE painting which is on the directly across my bed.



The backyard!



Baby Caleb- the greatest cuddler in the world. He has been so wonderful to have around especially when I feel home sick.



The view walking down Finaghy Road towards the bus stop. Belfast is in a valley so there are mountains all around. So beautiful!

Am I really here?

On Saturday morning a little past 9 AM, I walked out of the Belfast airport with my trolley of luggage. I was in a bit of shock that everything had gone beyond smooth through the airport. Absolutely NOTHING went wrong, and even little things that I was nervous about where taken care of. So there I was with out much sleep, water, or food in me, climbing into the wee car of a man I had just met. Driving around the windy roads, I quickly realized that I wasn't in the Midwest any longer. I had arrived in Belfast, and I was ready to begin my new life!

The last few days have been a bit of a whirlwind. My mind, body, and soul seem to be all over the place! It's hard to even know what to write or explain because I barely understand it myself. It's so strange that I am here, but it seems so natural and normal. I feel like I am living in a dream, and I am just waiting to wake up. I know that I am in Belfast, but it totally has not hit me that I have packed my bags and I now live in another country.

Sometimes I have little moments when I realize it, but overall, it has not hit me. I have just been going through the actions: rapidly learning as much as I can and enjoying the company of lovely people. My life here so far has been incredible, and I have been blessed with so much grace, love, and friendships. God knows exactly what I need when and He has been providing for it.

After I settle in a bit more, I will write more details and include pictures. Thanks for all your love, support, and prayers. You are all incredible. Love to you all!

My Supporter Letter for Belfast

Dear Friends and Family,

It’s hard to believe that the summer is almost over. As the seasons past by, I am continually struck by God’s faithfulness for each one of us. Here’s an update on what God has been doing during the last few seasons of my life:



In May, I graduated from the University of St. Thomas with a double major in elementary education and Catholic Studies. I student taught in an inner-city Catholic School in South Minneapolis. I also served as a student missionary and a leader of a Catholic women’s household with a college ministry called St. Paul’s Outreach. It was a very busy year of school especially following a year off from school doing service work in Detroit, Michigan. During my year with Youth Works-Detroit, I led a high school girls youth group, taught an after school program for children in our neighborhood mostly from the housing projects, put on retreats, served at a soup kitchen, helped families in the community, and loved the people around me. Through these experiences, I learned that I thrive and love working with inner-city youth. I have grown so much these past two years in my ability to love others through Christ’s love.




Recently, I learned about a program in Belfast, Northern Ireland called Youth Initiatives which serves inner city youth primarily in West Belfast. After applying, I was accepted as a volunteer youth worker to work with their 15-18 year olds primarily in two programs called Lifeline and Girls Program. Essentially these programs are about personal, social, and spiritual development in the context of creating a positive relational environment for the youth. As a youth worker, I will be journeying alongside these youth through the ups and downs of their life. I will help run programs while spending time with them in their everyday lives. Too many youth in the city are down trodden and have lost hope. Ultimately it is the Lord’s work to awaken hope in the lives of these youth, but God uses us to be a part of this work in transforming lives of these youth. I have been fortunate enough to see radical transformation of the inner city youth I have worked with from being closed off and harden to being joyful and friendly through loving them, being a constant support, and teaching them about Jesus. I’m excited God has called me to do this work in Belfast too!

While doing ministry, I have come to learn that I can’t do it alone, but only through the support of family, friends, and even acquaintances. I ask that you would consider be a part of this work by supporting me through your encouragement, prayers, and finances. Prayer is so essential to doing inner city work, so I ask that you would commit to praying for me and the youth I work with on a regular basis. I will also be praying for you while keeping a correspondence between your family and myself about various prayer needs. Please consider supporting me financially as I will need $12,000 for the year to support my living costs, travel needs, training, etc. I am particularly looking for people who will support me on a monthly basis at $20, $30, $50 or whatever amount you prefer, but I am very grateful for one time gifts of a flat amount as well. Tax deductible donations can be made online or by writing checks out to the Sword of the Spirit with Sarah Nilles in the memo line. You can e-mail me at sarah.nilles@gmail.com to receive a reply card with more information about how to do this. Or you can follow the directions below to give online or send a check to the Sword of the Spirit.

I cannot begin to thank you for the ways you have already supported me throughout the years. I am so blessed to serve as the hands and feet of God in places of need, but I am incredibly grateful for people back home covering me with support through prayers and financial gifts. Please know of my thoughts and prayers for you. I look forward to talking to you more in the near future about my work in Belfast.

Christ Peace, Sarah

All donations are tax deductible.

Give online at:
http://sos-nar.com/eGive.htm

Make checks payable to
Sword of the Spirit (Sarah Nilles) in memo
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Sorry for the Blobs

For those who read my blog regularly, I want to apologize for the "blobs" instead of blog posts. I don't know what has been going on, but I haven't been able to make my blog posts properly space out. They look fine when I type them, but then they turn into blobs. I am trying to figure it out. Thank you for your patience.

On a happier note, have you noticed that I'm now able to post pictures and links right onto my posts. I'm proud of my blogging advancements! Thanks for all your support. I love you all!

P.S. I just fixed my blob problem. All is well!

Why Belfast?

On Friday, August 31, I will be boarding an airplane to fly to Belfast, Northern Ireland to live and serve there with a ministry called Youth Initiatives. I will be journeying alongside youth from the most disadvantaged communities in Northern Ireland particularly in West Belfast to awaken hope through Jesus Christ. I have a two year visa, but I have no idea how long I will be there. My life philosophy is one year at a time. And sometimes only one day at a time.

It's been really fascinating telling people that I will be moving to Belfast. A lot of people have been really excited for me. Others are confused why I would work for free and fund raise my living. "You know it is ok to do ministry work that pays?" People talk about how beautiful it is there, and how they want to visit me. Advice is given not to get bombed. Yeah, that's my goal whenever I go to do inner city work, to get shot or bombed. My favorite is when people tell me that I am going over there to find someone to marry. Yes, exactly what I'm thinking about doing my first month in the country. Unfortunately I have to wait until Leap Year in 2016 to follow the Irish tradition of asking the guy to marry me, so I guess I have to wait a bit.

At the beginning of June, I was sitting on the porch of a family I had worked with a lot in Detroit. We were catching up on how everyone was doing. I told them that I had graduated, and I was moving to Belfast to do inner city work. They all looked at me as if I was crazy, and said "Why would you do that?" It made me chuckle a bit as I pondered the questions myself. Why would I do that? Why would I go to another place I had never visited to do very similar work to the work I had been doing in Detroit? Ultimately, why Belfast? I've absolutely hated being asked this question because I never knew what to say. Uh, God is opening a door. I think this is what I am supposed to be doing. uh...

Over the last few months, God has given me the grace to articulate myself better. Why Belfast? I try to live my life where the Spirit of the Lord leads, and for this season of life I know that it is Belfast. God has a particular reason and purpose for leading me there, and even though I don't know what it is exactly, I know that I will learn soon enough. There is a song written by Ed Conlin that says "you will lead oh Lord where only love can go. He is my life oh Lord, my life for you." I thought about this song often when I was in Detroit. There were so many things I was unafraid of because God's love went before me. I encountered extremely difficult situations yet through the grace of God I was able to deal with them and face them head on.

Since Easter 2011, I began sensing that God had something to show me in Belfast. I was serving alongside people in Michigan from Belfast, so I heard a lot of stories about it. Of course, I wanted to go and visit but I very clearly remember waking up that EAster morning and telling my friend, Magz from West Belfast that God had something there for me. At the time I didnt know if it was for a short visit or for a longer period of time, but I knew he had something there for me to see. The following year when I was back in St. Paul, the desire to see what God had for me in Belfast was still there. I was actually very resistant to looking into serving with a Chrisitan community there. No way could God be calling me there. I just wanted to go for my own reasons; it would be a cool adventure! Each time I looked into doing something here, it didn't work out or I would have very unsettling feelings. Logically Belfast did not make sense. There were a lot of other GREAT job opportunities opening up right before me, but in my heart Belfast was the only thing that felt right.

As I prayed about going to Belfast, God never said "go to Belfast" rather he told me do not be afraid and I love you. It reminds me of the words from the song again, " and you will lead oh Lord where only love can go." God promises that his love goes before me, so I do not need to be afraid. Of course, I am nervous about the unknown of next year, and I wish he would tell me what's going on, but I trust that he will show me in his time. I still dont't fully understand "Why Belfast?" but I do know that God's love goes before me ad I don't need to be afraid. I'm content with that. Maybe in a few months or a few years, I will have a more elegant answer but I've never been the most elegant of people!

Losing It

I found myself in my room crying again because I couldn't find it... I couldn't find a picture that I took in Detroit. It might have been one of the photos that got deleted from the camera a few months ago. As tears fell down my cheeks, I became frustrated that I didn't save the pictures better. "It doesn't matter anyways," I think. And yet it some how does. Why else would I be crying about it? The worst part is that this isn't the first time I have cried over a lost picture. (I'm really bad about keeping track of photos.) As I wiped away the tears, I kept thinking, "why does this even matter?" And an old fear came creeping back, you're going to forget it said. As strange as it sounds, I'm so afraid that by moving around so much that I am going to lose those moments on the mission field that are so close to me. I feel like I have to prove that existed for others to see in order that it is actually real. It kills me that people don't know about Elizabeth Bindi, Joseph Bangura, Rutile or any of the other incredible people and situations from Africa that I hold so close to my heart. Just like the pictures, I fear that Africa, Detroit, and Minnesota might become lost. It's a LIE though! It's a lie because not only do I hold them close to my heart, but so does my heavenly Father. He loves them all so much more than I do. And he knows it all so much better than I could ever remember from a picture or story. So I hold close to him, remembering the good times and the bad. I once again trust the people of Detroit, Africa, friends, and family into the loving hands of the Father remembering that he loves them all. He knows what they need and He will provide for them.

God Cares... a LOT!

I am continually struck and blown away by God's faithfulness. People always comment on how crazy I am for all the things I do. I just want to respond by saying that I have an even crazier Papa. He sent His son to die on the cross for me and each and every day His Grace and Spirit are enough! God really cares, and it makes everything worth it. This past weekend, I traveled to Minnesota to visit friends and say "good bye" for the last time before moving to Belfast. A couple of weeks ago I was overwhelmed by the short visit and all the people I wanted to see. My wiser friend, Kelsey told me, "Sarah, I can't wait until the end of the trip when you talk about how much God blessed you just like He always does on these short visits." I knew she was right, but I had no idea how right she was. My trip to Minnesota was so much more than visiting friends and saying goodbyes. The Lord spoke directly into areas of my life I had been afraid of, questions I had about Belfast, and lose ends in relationships that had been hanging for years. Even better, He provided in the little ways. I was standing for 20 minutes having an incredible conversation that I wasn't sure was going to happen with my brother Joe Hall who has been battling cancer for over a year. As I was looking at the tint of pink in Joe's cheeks (during other visits he has been deathly pale) and the foot long scar on his stomach, I was struck that we had this moment together when he was joyful and not puking his guts out. For 20 minutes, we shared life, joked, and talked about the future. And I needed that. I needed Joe back as my brother and to have his encouragement before leaving for Belfast. The Lord did that over and over again during my time in Minnesota. He perfectly set up situations and conversations to show me how loved I was, and how much I can trust in Him. He made it strikingly clear that I have a family that will meet once a year in Minnesota for training with St. Paul's Outreach and we are scattered all over the world. We came together in college to form a community led by the Spirit of God, and just as the Spirit drew us together, now He sends us out. Many of my friends are still working for SPO, but I get to go off on another adventure in Belfast working for Youth Initiatives. A cross cultural missionary once told me that good "goodbyes" make for good "hellos." Through the grace of God, I'm anticipating a really good "hello" with Belfast. The Lord has a big work for me in Belfast, and I believe it extends well beyond the walls of YI. Even though the unknown makes me a little nervous, I am not afraid because over and over again, God shows me that He cares a lot. "My grace is sufficient for you..." 2 Corinthians 12.9

Lemonade Stands

I try to make it a goal to always stop and buy lemonade when I see a lemonade stand. Some of the best times have been with Kelsey. Through our lemonade "stops," I have come to appreciate a good cup of lemonade compared to the cheap "thrown together" kind. If setting up a lemonade stand, here's some advice: 1) Don't put too much ice in. Then there isn't enough room for the lemonade. 2) Have big cups. 3)It's better to be too sweet than not sweet enough. 4) Homemade lemonade is always the best and definitely worth a whole dollar. 5) Don't be too shy. People who stop to buy lemonade usually want to talk to you especially if they are teachers. :0) Lemonade stands symbolize the American dream each summer as children line the streets with dreams of starting a small business or buying something special with their hard earned coins. Next time you see a lemonade stand on the side of the road, take a few minutes, stop, and buy a cup of lemonade. As the saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Why not buy someone else's lemonade as well?

Water Balloons

Written in July 2011: I have never been so happy to see water balloons as I was this afternoon. I was visiting a mom who I had been building a relationship with over the last month in the Freedom Housing Projects. All of a sudden I saw a young man duck around the corner and a colored balloon whiz by my face and "SPLAT" it hit the side of the house. Then I heard laughter. I saw guys running after each other saying "I'm going to get you." I saw a mom yell at these young men, yet not really angry. I saw joy flash across broken faces of men who's future is as unknown as the date of the apocalypse.
Most of these men had dropped out of high school, hanging out at friends' houses probably doing drugs or drinking, and for some going in and out of jail. Men my age who probably never met their fathers or even had a God fearing man in their life to show them what a real man is. Instead gang leaders, drug dealers, and pimps show them what being a "man" is. On this afternoon rather than dodging the police or bullets, they were ducking from water balloons. On this afternoon, laughter and joy rang through the air as balloons were filled and escape routes plotted. Normalcy entered their lives for a brief moment in time as young men played.

Reading with H

6:06 my alarm went off and I immediately jumped out of bed. I knew I had a long, full day of me. I was quickly making mental notes as I was getting ready to leave, taking a quick prayer time, and grabbing a box of Raisin Bran Crunch out of the cupboard as I ran out the door shortly after 7:00 AM. I stopped by Dominick's grocery store to buy supplies for a volcano lesson this afternoon and a coffee from Starbucks. Today was definitely going to be a coffee day. My day continued on in a swirl of craziness as I tried to skype quickly with my host family in Belfast for the first time, orientate a new staff member in the elementary, lead the day at summer camp from the 6-10 year olds, welcome new campers, take care of the little details, teach lessons and peacefully deal with students who were having a "rough" day. It was craziness, but I loved it. Finally at 3:30 when I had brought a group of students to the pool did I realize how tired I was. I still had 2.5 hours to work. Why am I working such long hours this summer? By 4:30, I had forgotten again how tired I was when I was helping a student who had had an accident, communicating with the other staff members, directing the other students out the door, and rubbing my face much more than usual in exhaustion. The overwhelming feelings of a long day were increasing. Just as I was walking over to the main campus to help with extended care, the fire alarms were going off. GREAT! I don't even know where we are supposed to be going (this is a different campus and building than what I am usually at). Fortunately the other campers and counselors did. I grabbed the clipboards took role call, listened to the sirens, and sang songs. It happened up being delightful! After the action was all over, we waved goodbye to the firefighters on their BIG YELLOW truck rather than a red truck. (All those children's books were wrong about red fire trucks. Than can be other colors too.) We continued our afternoon playing on the bars, doing flips, watching Miss Sarah do flips too, cleaning up the yard, and going inside to the library. Once again as I sat down in the library, I remembered how tired I was. Ok a half an hour more, I can do this. As I was waiting with my elementary students, my little 3 year old friend, H, came over to join the big kids. I got him a little chair to sit on. Of course we wanted to sit in my chair, so I sat in the little chair. H pulled a couple of books off the shelf. As we read together, I noticed the rush and craziness slowly melt away. I staggered on the pages to allow H and myself time to experience each one. After each page was turned, H would leave his hand on my hand. His hand on my hand while slowly reading three books put life into perspective. Sometimes we just need moments to slow down and take things in. To breath deeply and just be. Jesus regularly took moments throughout his day to just be without a the craziness of life rushing around him. I believe God gives us these moments everyday to just be and remember how loved we are. May we remember that we are truly loved and to love those around us. I'm really grateful for H today and the way he showed me Christ's love by showing me how to slow down and just be.

Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot

Be still and know that He is God. When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge. Remember that you are not alone. "The Lord, He it is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee neither forsake thee. Be strong and of good courage." (Deut. 31:8) Jesus promised His disciples, "Lo, I am with you always." (Matt. 28:20) Never mind if you cannot feel His presence. He is there, never for one moment forgetting you. Give thanks. In times of my greatest loneliness I have been lifted up by the promise of 2 Corinthians 4:17, 18, "For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, because we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen." This is something to thank God for. This loneliness itself, which seems a weight, will be far outweighed by glory. Refuse self-pity. Refuse it absolutely. It is a deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows. Accept your loneliness. It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last. Offer up your loneliness to God, as the little boy offered to Jesus his five loaves and two fishes. God can transform it for the good of others. Do something for somebody else. No matter who or where you are, there is something you can do, somebody who needs you. Pray that you may be an instrument of God's peace, that where there is loneliness you may bring joy. rebellion-- if this is the will of God for me now, He doesn't love me. rejection-- if this is what God is giving me, I won't have any part of it. faith-- God knows exactly what He's doing acceptance-- He loves me; He plans good things for me; I'll take it.

A Beautiful Day

This was written in spring of 2011:

"It's a beautiful day today!" This is such a common phrase, but what does it really mean? I was struck today by the fact that the simple phrase "it's a beautiful day" means different things to different people.

This morning, I walked out of my house at 7:30 in the morning to a fog stricken misty air with light just beginning to arise into the overcast sky. My friend from Scotland said, "It's a beautiful day" as he picked me up to drop me off at the bus station so that I could catch my bus to Chicago. I looked out at the grey sky and said "yeah, it's a great day" with a hint of sarcasim in my voice. I was just thinking that it's going to be "great fun" walking around Chicago with my two bags in this boggy weather. I was imagining arriving at the hotel with my clothes damped by the thick air. Great day! At the same time, I knew that he really liked days like today. It reminded him of home and in a country that is far away from Scottland, over cast, rainy days can be a welcomed familiarity. My inklings were confirmed as he said, "I really do like days like today." As we continued driving towards the center of Detroit, we talked about how erie the city looked with the mist hanging low over the buildings. There was this huge building right before us that was obviously abandoned. Not a single light appeared in a window while the other skyscapers around it were slowly coming to life with a flick of the switch.

Traveling westward on the Megabus, I saw a flick of the switch as the sun rose, clouds dispersed, and blue appeared high above in the sky. Getting out at our rest stop, I thought "It's a beautiful day." Then it hit me, we say these point blank statements, but they mean different things to different people. I don't think Andy would say that it wasn't a beautiful day because the sun was out and the sky was blue, but that doesn't mean that boggy days aren't beautiful too. Or maybe he actually doesn't like sunny days. I don't know. But a beautiful day isn't about the sun, or clouds, or even the weather. A beautiful day is about how we preceive it and what we make of it. Rain or shine, I hope to see many more beautiful days.