Love

I am absolutely wrecked! I had such a blast tonight at a haunted forest Halloween thing YI was helping with today. I didn't know that it was going to be a haunted forest or that I was going to be outside of hours. Needless to say, I was not very excited.

I don't really like Halloween as much as I used to. I hate taking the time, energy, and money to figure out a costume. I hate how it has become so scarey, demonic, and sexualized. I loved it as a kid, but now I kind of wander if it actually is a holiday worth celebrating.

Tonight I had an absolute blast! It was my job to take Micky and Minnie Mouse around to the kids. Basically, I made sure that they were facing the right direction, knew where the kids were, that they were able to move about giving the kids hugs, high fives, and taking pictures since they were barely able to see. I loved seeing the joy on the kids faces when they were able to see Micky and Minnie. It was my responsibility to make the mouse couple successful and serve them because they weren't able to see anything. I loved how high energy it was and how much I was able to interact with different people.

It was especially neat to have kids who knew me from school or the neighborhood call out my name even if I didn't know who they were. I spend a lot of time doing outreach in a local high school and on the streets once a week. I'm becoming a mini American celebrity in West Belfast. I love it! One 12 year old girl we met out on the streets a couple of weeks ago started coming to a couple of our social events this week. It's neat to see how our efforts in outreach is building relationships and getting youth involved in our programs.

Today we had about 40 young people ages 11-18 go on a day trip ice skating and bowling. I loved skating alongside preteen girls who gripped my hand in fear as I taught them out to skate. As I was skating with these young people, and entering into their fears and vulnerability, I realized how much I was beginning to love them.

Love is a crazy thing. I don't really understand how love works. This is border line for being too deep for my tired little brain. We'll see what happens though! :0) I remember being 16 years old just getting back from Sierra Leone, West Africa and being shocked by how much my heart could expand to love people. I didn't understand how it was possible for me to love those children in Africa so much. But I did. And after going a second time, I realized that I honestly loved 80 plus children from the bottom of my heart. It didn't make sense, and I didn't understand how it was even possible.

My dear friend Kayla Boi with a group of children from a hospital we visited on our first trip to Sierra Leone. Many nights after coming home, I would cry myself to sleep thinking about them. I really cared about them, and it broke my heart to know that I will never know what happened to them.

Joseph and Saidu. Two boys who I love to death. They truly are like my younger brothers. I still pray and think about them often.


Now I'm sure that there were times in college when I experienced this kind of love as well. During college it was different though; it was probably more about realizing that I could love my friends in ways that are different from loving my family. Sometimes I preferred to be with my friends than with my family, and that was something very new for me. Some of my friends became my family.

The funny thing about love is that it hurts. It hurts a lot. I was talking today to someone who wondered if it was worth investing in a relationship knowing that it was going to end in less than a year. I told her that we never know where the relationship will end up, but that the joy of the relationship is always worth so much more than the pain of the separation. There is a Garth Brooks song called "The Dance." It talks about "Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I would had to miss the dance." I was reminded of my cousin Patrick who died at the age of 4 from cancer. My family could have missed a lot of pain, but 4 years with Patrick was so much better than ever not knowing him. He was such an incredible little boy who taught me a lot even at a young age.

I don't know if I realized how much I loved loving people until I went to Detroit for the first time. There was a guy named Jamie Graham from Glasgow, Scotland, and... if you know him... you are probably eagerly waiting to hear what I am going to say about him and how this ties into everything. Jamie isn't like any other person I have ever met. He's outspoken, sarcastic, opinionated, annoying, outgoing, LOUD, and he doesn't necessarily follow "cultural norms". Now this looks like I am painting a really bad picture of him, but the truth is I love him to death and he's an incredible guy. I don't really know when it happened, but some how I pushed past his "Non-Minnesota niceness" and got on with him brilliantly. To this day, I would say he is my favorite person from Scotland.

JAMIE!

On the last day of DSO during dinner, we had a bit of time in which we could honor one another. Jamie got up to honor me for the way we were able to get on and my ability to love lots of different kinds of people. It was really neat because I don't think I even recognized that about myself. I served and loved the homeless, young children, and teenagers all within six weeks of service in Detroit. It can often be challenging to relate with such a variety of people, and Jamie expected it to be challenging for me to. He was surprised that it wasn't. Again, the Lord gave me a heart for His people, and I loved them unconditionally without really knowing what I was doing.

For the last three weeks of the summer, I was put on Jamie's street team working with high schoolers doing manual labor around the city of Detroit. I knew there were a girl or two who the rest of the staff were completely fed up with. Since I was new to the crew, I decided to take on the challenge of one of the girls named Sequoya. Little did I know that I would be making a decision that would change the rest of my life. Every single day I worked alongside Sequoya and Malaka even when they didn't want me to. We talked about a lot of things while pulling weeds, cleaning, gardening, and doing loads of other tedious jobs.

Erica, Malaka, Sequoya, and I at the Street Team closing banquet.

Sequoya had a big attitude... some may say a big attitude problem, but I would say just a big attitude. She always seemed to be pissed off at the world, she had really short patience, she didn't like being told what to do, and if you messed with her- she would take you out. I loved her immediately. I would work alongside of her whenever possible. She caught on and it annoyed her. I liked the challenge of getting to know her and building a relationship with her. We talked about her anger and ways to just ignore the other girls. She also liked telling me about hood rats and other things this white Iowan girl never heard of before. One day while gardening, I was talking to her and I put my hand on her arm. She totally freaked out. Don't touch her! I would remember that for next time. Next time, proved to be different. On our last day of work, she gave me a big hug. All the staff were shocked, but I knew that love truly bears all things... even big attitudes.

I was shocked two months later when I was starting up the Youth Works-Detroit girls youth group by how much Sequoya had changed. She was even a bit surprised by how she felt happier and more patient with people especially in the crowded hallways at school. Our youth group was really small. And that was often challenging for me because it didn't look like a "normal" youth group. I was blessed with the opportunity not to only meet with the girls regularly but also with their families. By sitting in their homes (I don't have words to even begin to describe their home lives or the issues they faced. Someone once described it as "If you were to list serious issues that a family might face your list would probably be shorter than the list of issues that this family had encountered."), I learned what it meant to be a Christian. I walked the road to Calvary with these families, I felt the pain of the crucifixion over and over again, but I also remembered and rejoiced in the resurrection of Jesus Christ when we will one day stand before Him in the heavenly Jerusalem where pain and sorrow will be no more. It was through these girls and their families that I experienced more love and sorrow than I ever imagined possible. It was there where I found Jesus.

Andy, another youth worker in Detroit, and I spent a lot of time with Sequoya and her brothers throughout our year in Detroit.

Out with the youth group girls.

There is a line in the song "When I Survey the Wonderous Cross" that goes See from His head, His hands, His feet, Sorrow and love flow mingled down! Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, Or thorns compose so rich a crown? Coming to Belfast, I was hesitant to love like I had in Detroit. There was a lot that I hadn't processed through (and in which I am still processing through), and I wasn't sure if I was ready to dive into deep relationships in a new city, in a new country, and with a new ministry remembering how much it had hurt in Detroit. While on our staff residential, God reminded me of the truth of the cross. It's not only about sorrow but also about love. Yes, there is extreme pain, but also the glorious resurrection where my hope lies. I continue to set my gaze heavenward remembering the Christ is already victorious over sin and death.

There is another bit in the song that goes Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all. That brings me back to ice skating. Love itself gave everything it had, and it demands me to do the same. I am blessed beyond belief to be loved beyond measure by the Creator of the heaven and earth. To be loved by so many people all around the world, it's indescribable! I know that God is going to continue bringing people into my life to love. But it's nothing that I have to fear or worry about because He's the one who provides everything that I need as my heart continues to expand and be filled with more and more love each day. I don't love my family, the children in Africa, my collage mates, Jamie, or the girls in Detroit any less because I am no longer with them. I'm no Grinch! Rather my heart will continue to grow through the grace of God even through the painful bits as I enter into His love for His people. That's all I want to do with my life- love people. Some days I do it better than others, but I pray that God is the one doing the loving and that I continue to be able to journey alongside His people no matter where in the world I might be. For now, it's in Belfast. Praise the Lord!