Spring Reconstruct

Springing cleaning. I hate doing it, but I know it often needs to be done.  You look at your house (or life) throw open the windows, pull out the boxes, clear out the piles in order to clean and restructure.  I’ve been doing this in my own life as well.  After living in Belfast for three years, I’ve decided (with the help of others) that it’s time to throw open my life and restructure a few things.

Originally, I thought I would stay here for a year or two, but God keeps make it clear that He has more for me here.  Coming to the end of Year 3, I’ve started reflecting on how this isn’t a short-term missionary stint but actually I need to start viewing my life here as a long-term missionary.  God has provided abundantly for me here, but it’s time to start looking a bit more at my future and sustainability rather than just living year by year especially financially.

This spring, I am taking a chunk of time to restructure my life to make it more sustainable for long term missionary work, so I’m not sent home in a little “burned-out/ I hate people” box.  I don’t necessarily want to do this, but I know that I have to if I want to continue doing missionary work in which I truly believe God has called me to. 

So what does this look like?

1)   Taking more time for prayer and reflection in my life and work.  “Unless the Lord builds the house, I build in vain.”- Psalm 127.1  Everything I do has to be done for and through God or else I am working in vain- what’s the point then?  I need space to think, pray, breath, and be.  I am a human BEing rather than a Human Doing.

2)   Fundraising for a more sustainable income.  I work 40+ hours a week and make less than 20.  Through a grant from the States, The Koch Foundation, I get paid 12 hours from YI and a bit more from my personal support raising – PSR.  I’ve been making enough to get by, but it’s not sustainable for the long run.  I am working with my mentor on putting together a more realistic budget and salary allowance. It’s my goal to be able to pay more for my rent, save for the future, shop (sometimes even if it’s from thrift stores :0), live a life of hospitality, and work towards bigger purchases like #3.  God has provided generously (don’t even have words for it sometimes) for me in the past, and I trust that He will continue doing that in the future.

3)   Work towards getting a CAR! This is huge for me.  A portion of my fundraising will be going towards getting a car, paying for insurance, MOT, tax, and petrol.  It’s expensive, but something I believe it’s time for.  It will help me get around easier as well as bless the ministry work I do.  I will be able to meet up with people easier, pick up young people from school, offer lifts, and save loads of time getting from place to place.

4)   This spring/ summer, I will also be working towards getting my British drivers licenses.  This is something I have been putting off for the last couple of years.  It is intimidating, and I hated how different the system is from back home.  Moving towards a more sustainable and long term missionary lifestyle requires me swallowing my pride and taking a plunge for my licenses. Aka- starting from the beginning again.  Ultimately it will lead to greater freedom and mobility.

5)   Exercise… yeah… I’ve been talking about this for years.  I hate working out but love working hard.  It’s the small town girl in me.  The reality is I don’t live on a farm or go hiking every day.  My life is fast paced and can be stressful which isn’t always good for my health.  I’ve felt the impact of that this year through being sick a lot.  I need to start exercising in order to survive, thrive and ultimately be healthier.

6)   Accountability- it’s easy for me to say that I want to do all these things in my journal, but it’s another thing to be held accountable for these areas in my life.  This is part of why I am blogging about it- I want to be held accountable and live in the light. I also have key people who supervise and care for me in Belfast who I am allowing to speak particularly into these areas of my life.  They aren’t going to be cracking the whip ticking off how much I’ve down.  Rather they are going to lovingly help me more towards my goals of living a sustainable long-term missionary lifestyle. 

I have been supported by so many people over the years as I have travelled the world doing various kinds of missionary work.  I cannot thank you enough for your support, prayers, and love.  Please don’t stop now!  I still need your help especially now as I transition into a new phase of my missionary life. 

So what can you do?

1)   Pray for me!  I can’t make these transitions without the grace of God.

2)   Pray for the work I do and the young people I minister to.   

3)   Send me a note or email (sarah.nilles@gmail.com) to encourage me and ask how I’m doing.  Help me be supported and held accountable through your love and care.

4)   Support me financially either as a one off (maybe towards a car :) or on a monthly basis.  My regular supporters are incredible and I don’t know what I would do without them.  Come join my team in the missionary work I do.  – Check out this link to learn how or send me an email-
5)   Share my story and the work I do with others.  Maybe God is calling them to get behind the work I’m doing and support me too.  We will never know unless we ask.  

6)   Be creative!  What other ways can you support me?  I look forward to hearing your ideas. 

That’s it.  That’s my spring restructure.  As much as I don’t want to do it, I know that it’s time and actually I’m more ready for it than I think.  God’s grace is enough, and He has good things for me.  Here’s to spring cleaning and allowing God to restructure my life towards a more sustainable missionary life style.  Let the cleaning begin! 

50 Ways of Love

This morning (Valentine's Day), I woke up with the anticipation and joy of love.  A smile crossed my face as I remembered how very loved I am today not only by my Heavenly Father but by so many people who I share life with (some more regularly than others :).

This morning, I made a Valentines Day breakfast for my roommate and myself... a tradition I started after working with Merge Church in Minneapolis.  While praying for our meal, I was reminded how love can be such a mixture of things for so many people.  In particular with '50 Shades of Grey' coming out in theatres we are reminded of that reality ever more.  What is love?  Do we even know what it is anymore?  How do we accept it and how do we give it?  And do we even know Love Himself?

This past week on Facebook, I've seen countless articles about '50 Shades of Grey.'  In reflecting upon love today, I decided to write my own "50 Ways of Love"- acknowledging, honouring, thanking, recognising some of the ways in which I have been loved this past year.  It's only a drop in the bucket in literally the countless ways people have shown me love in my life.  For that I am truly grateful, honoured, and most importantly LOVED this Valentine's Day!  Thank YOU!

50 Ways of Love:

1) Love Himself
2) Redoing my room while I'm away in America
3) Giving me silly gifts that are way past my birthday but are exactly ME
4) Snuggling with me on the couch
5) Giving me a back message
6) Spending the holidays with me and opening up your home
7) An email from MRG
8) Adventures through Minneapolis
9) Allowing me to stay over at your house
10) Incredible hospitality (even if I need it last minute)
11) My countless supporters especially through their sacrifice financially allowing me to stay in Belfast
12) Chris' accountability
13) Laura telling me to "wind my neck in"
14) The Mass
15) All the favours my mom still does for me
16) My parents picking me up from the airport and allowing me to use their car
17) Meals around the table
18) Grandpa and Grandma's handwritten letters
19) Grandpa Jim driving the speed boat so I can ski at the Lake House
20) My cousins giving me crackers because they know I miss them in Ireland
21) Encouraging emails
22) Time of prayer with sisters
23) Mags putting up with my fits
24) All the lifts I constantly receive
25) Michael asking when I'm going to be coming home
26) Time with Annalise
27) Late birthday cards from a youth minister who still cares for me today as much as when I was 16
28) Taking me on adventures
29) Birthday attack hugs at 12 AM
30) Playing games of farkle
31) Slaggin
32) Speaking prophetically over my life
33) Coming home to flowers
34) Asking for forgiveness and offering restoration
35) Loving me like sweet lemonade on a hot summers day or vanilla ice cream with apple pie
36) Watching a basketball game and rooting for my team in a pub. Go Cyclones!
37) Taking me out for lunch just because I'm in town
38) Sitting in coffee shops dreaming about life and sharing the realities of life right now- deep convos
39) Not wanting to change me
40) Listening to stories of Belfast and young people I work with
41) All the prayers lifted up for me that I will never know of
42) Facebook messages with Joe Hall
43) Making my favourite food
44) Getting me something from the shop 'just because'
45) Journeying alongside me (especially while discerning the Lord's call upon my life)
46) Notes left for me
47) Being my best friend
48) Allowing me to leave home AND making a home for me 'here' wherever 'here' maybe
49) Sunsets over the mountains with the ocean waves crashing in
50) God's Truths being spoken into my life

Stories Collide

Written on March 22, 2014

I have a couple of friendships that are kind of hard to explain. Maybe because I hardly see them. It's not like we were friends in college and then I moved away, but rather I would randomly get together with them and a friendship grew- really fast. It's kind of like we are soul sisters in some random way. They are people God has placed in my life and really sparked a deep connection that only God could.
Today I got together with one such friend named Jude. I met her while attending a church service at Redeemer Central in Belfast City Centre. After chatting a few times at church, we decided to get together for coffee. Meeting at Starbucks, we shared a common story of moving to Belfast to work with disadvantage youth while having a heart for cross community work. She also told me about a project she was working on called Tell It in Colour bringing together young people from interface communities to share their stories. Something inside me sparked as she told stories of young people coming together to share their own stories even though it was unconventional and messy. Over the last few years, God had been planting seeds inside of me about story telling. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew Jude and I would meet again to swap stories.

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to get together with Jude over the last few months, but today our schedules finally came together. Both running late, we enjoyed a cup of coffee together at Cafe Nero. Within minutes of catching up on each other's lives, we found ourselves talking about city of Belfast and her people. The state in which she was in and the challenges facing young people. Jude as a news reporter, told me stories that she had reported on during the past year. I spoke about the life's of young people and the challenges they faced. Passion for Belfast the city in which God has sent us filled our conversation and time together.

The idea of story telling and allowing young people to have a voice was a common theme in our conversation. I knew that God was continuing to plant and stir something within us, but I didn't know what or how it would be done. So we went for a walk and started praying- thanking God for what he has been doing and asking him to come and intervene in the lives of people in this city. While praying about Gods promises, we looked up and saw a rainbow.

I don't know what God is doing in Jude and my life, but I'm excited, hopeful, and trusting that He will reveal it in His own time. Until then I will continue trusting in Him and praying for the city of Belfast.
"Pray for the city in which I sent you, for upon its welfare depends your own." -Jeremiah 29.10

Answer to a Half Hearted Prayer

"Why don’t you pray for him?" Those were the words God spoke to me last spring when I was standing next to a person who I really struggled to like and even more to love.  He really annoyed me, was disrespectful, and had a fowl mouth.  And when we had faith nights, he was so disruptive.  I really couldn’t stand being around him, and now God was challenging me to pray for him. 

So I started to pray for him.  But after a while I forgot about praying for him and continued on like normal. I actually started to get along with his friends after working with them during the summer. When he was around I would try to be pleasant enough, but then move along before something inappropriate was said or I got aggravated. 

A couple of months ago during our Lifeline Programme, I was struck by one of my co-workers being extra interested or caring towards him.  “That’s nice,” I thought, but I’m going to continue to keep my distance for now.

A couple of weeks ago at a staff meeting, Tony mentioned that this particular young person was going to be up for a week doing work experience.  He asked if anyone had anything for him to do.  I jumped at the chance of having extra help at our p7 confirmation retreat.  Later I started questioning if this was going to be more of help or a hindrance, but I knew from summer schemes that he was brilliant at working with kids. 

The morning of the retreat, I consciously chose to be positive about him being around.  I knew this would be a great opportunity for him to serve and maybe even grow in his faith.  He was brilliant… all day long!  He was willing to sit next to the kids who were challenging, did anything that I asked him to do, and didn’t even swear.  We were even able to have a conversation about what it means to have the Holy Spirit active in your life. 

At the end of the day, our retreat team took time to honour one another.  To my great surprise, he honoured me for always being energetic even on early summer scheme mornings.  He was sure that I took EZ and vodka for breakfast. This left me in stitches (laughter), and I explained that God was my true high.

Later he told me a story about a time in which I was talking to him and he was off his face (drunk).  I didn’t have a clue, yet he remembers talking to me.  I told him about the time I started to pray for him, in which he concluded that ‘I hated him.’  This continued being the running joke for the week. (True Belfast humour)

As the week of his work experience went on, I was struck by how much I enjoyed having him around and how often I thought about him when I went home at night.  He was challenging the way I did and thought about youth work without even knowing it. Often I try so hard in my job, yet often it’s by just being myself and accepting young people right where they are at when my youth work is most effective. 

What you get when you ask two teenage boys to make you a cup of tea!
They later coming out laughing with real cups of tea.
The joys of youth work.  #afternoontea

Part of the agreement for his work experience was that he would go on our volunteer residential.  It was so good to have him along especially since his normal group of friends weren’t there.  We talked about how he had been cursing less since being up at YI, and I was so proud of him for all the effort he had put forth during the week. 

One of the things I love about our young people is they know exactly where YI stands on faith and God even if they don’t believe in it themselves.  Earlier in the week he said that Sacred Space (Holy Nights) was his least favourite nights yet he still came up because he knew the staff cared about him. During the residential, his team created a summer camp as an activity to get young people off the streets. He left me in stitches when he emphasised the importance of the chapel being central to the camp.  Yes maybe he isn’t really into his faith but he knows that’s important to who Youth Initiatives is. 

On the Saturday night of the residential during the Lord's Day dinner, we share a blessing from our week.  I had been thinking about this a lot over the weekend. On Friday night, I was moved to tears when I was sitting next to Jordan and he told me that he was glad that I lived here.  I was so beyond myself that God had changed my heart and our relationship so much.  A few days of a half hearted prayer and this is what God had done!  My heart overflowed with love for Jordan and other young people like him.  So during our time of thanksgiving, I shared that he truly had been my blessing of my week and taught me more about youth work than I ever could have imagined learning from a young person. 

I’m going to keep praying for Jordan and the other youth I work with.  I’m excited to see what God is going to do and I am honoured that I get to witness the hand of God at work. 

God is Enough

Every once in a  while something is going on back home in the States, leaving me questioning my life overseas.

 Is this really worth it?  Can I actually live life on the other side of the world from my family?  How do my other missionary friends do it?  Yes loads of people live far away from their families, maybe I just can't.

And then after a few days I calm down again and continue living my life here in Belfast. 

Last month, I was faced with these questions again after finding out a good friend of mine, Joe, wasn't going to be recovering from his cancer and on my mom was going to need "minor" heart surgery.  I hated that I couldn't be with my family or help around the house.  I wanted to be with my friends as they were grieving over the news of Joe or laughing telling stories. I began questioning my life in Ireland and if I could actually imagine myself living outside of the States long term.  

I began comparing myself to friends who I also knew moved from the States to Belfast.  "Marrying a guy would make things easier," I thought.  But would it?  Would that be enough for me to stay in Belfast?  I love my job in Youth Initiatives, but would that be reason enough to stay?  What about my friends?  I have incredible life giving friendships here in Ireland, but I wasn't sure if they would be enough to stay for either.  As these thoughts filled my mind and I was unsure if any of these things would be enough to stay, then the words of a song I used to listen to in Detroit came to mind, "God is enough enough."  

All the other thoughts fell away as a smile came across my face and I sang to the upbeat song "God is enough enough." I was right.  All those other things aren't enough for me to stay in Belfast.  Nothing except God is enough for me.  

Recently I've been listening to Hillsongs song Christ is Enough, and often I think the line "God is enough" is really cheesy, but when all else seems to be failing Christ is truly enough for me.  I will go anywhere and do anything knowing the truth that Christ is enough for me and even more that He says I am enough for him.  

May I continue clinging to Christ through every storm and continually give my life to Him who gave me everything.  "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back."  Christ IS enough for me!

Speed

I whooped Donal in a game of speed yesterday.  It was a simple card game (in which I won) but actually it was so much more. 

It was initiation- he asked if he could come up after school to play cards. 

It was relationship building. 

It was conversation- several deep ones- all while I was beating him (ok he one like two rounds). But we talked about life, God, religion, school, friendships, family life, Christmas... in the span of a half an hour.  

It was face to face youth work.

It was organic and spontaneous. 

It was life giving. 

It was loud- I get excited when I win. 

It was competitive.  

It was a gift- I had been wanting to talk to him, but didn't have opportunities earlier in the week.  

It was Spirit led- God is doing a lot in His life even if he says he's not "religious." 

So it might just look like a game of cards, but actually it's so so so much more.  And I am so grateful to be a youth worker here in Belfast.  I hope and pray to have many many more card games (in which I win) filled with spontaneous conversations.  

Dear Belfast, From an Autumn Lover

Dear Belfast,

Please learn the art of loving autumn. It's really not so bad, I promise. Why in the middle of October are Christmas lights already hanging in the city centre? Why is there a sign that says "Merry Christmas Belfast?" Ok, I can try to some how understand starting to put out Christmas stuff after Halloweeen. What else are you supposed to do in November when the days are getting shorter and shorter? But hello it's October the best month of the year!

It's not only my birthday month (w00p w00p) but also the peak of Autumn. For some reason I always get homesick in the fall (or at least for the past 3 years). And this year, I really started thinking about what causes it. So I'm missing big holidays with my family, the first year I just move here, last year I had no idea when I would be going home again, but what about this year? I love my life here and I am going home in less than two months for Christmas. I have come to the conclusion that my heart longs for an American autumn.

Yes a few pumpkins show up in shops here and there are pumpkin spiced lattes at Starbucks (I'm dipping my ginger snap biscuit into one now), but there is a whole Autumn culture that deals with much more than just Halloween.

To start with there is a crispness in the air with sunny afternoons and a slight breeze. The brilliance of the sunset can be seen all day long as the tress change into glorious oranges, reds, and yellows. Leaves float through the air and crunch under your feet. There has been one tree here that has slowly been changing colours outside our finance office which always brings delight to my heart. Unfortunately rather than a crunch of leaves under my feet I have to watch my step so not to fall from the slippy wet leaves that stick to my shoe making footpaths more of an ice rink than a walk way. Never ever have i gotten so wet and cold as I did on Thursday when the skies open upped and dumped the entire contents of a rainless September upon me as I walked to the Church of the Res where I was giving a talk that evening. Of course I didn't have an umbrella or another change of clothes. Now to be the end of September and beginning of October was so so beautiful here with clear blue skies and the sun shining down on you.

Then you have the tastes of fall! The food range often matches that of the colours of autumn leaves... Red, orange, and yellow... Apples, pumpkins, and squash. In college, I went with my roommates and picked apples from an apple orchard later sipping hot apple cider infused with cinnamon to warm up! Bags of apples would be used to make home made apple sauce, cider, apple pie, and apple crisp. Houses were filled with the cosy smell and warmth of apple cinnamon. Now pumpkin and squashes are much more than native foods that you can cook with but also a decoration which you would find at your front door, entry way, living room, and of course dinning space around thanksgiving time. On a Sunday afternoon in midOctober, you would go to the pumpkin patch as a family (or to Walmart on busy years) and pick your own pumpkin. Later you would literally de-gut the pumpkin while carving intricate designs into the side of it. Of course with my artistic mother we wouldnt only carve a design in the front but also on the back to cast a shadow against the wall. The key to pumpkin carving is cutting a hole in the bottom for the candle so the top doesn't fall in later it the week. You must also scrap the carving side of the pumpkin extra thin for optimum carving. Then you surround your carved masterpieces with various coloured mini gourds and pumpkins.

Football, the throwing sport not the kicking sport. I know you don't really get it and think it's a bit of a sissies sport compared to Gaelic or rugby. I still can't explain why there are so many time outs or why they wear pads except I know people have died from tackles. The reality is football and fall go together. It's what you do during the weekend: bundle up to watch a local Friday night high school game, then on Saturday doing chores and projects around the house (before the winter freeze strands you inside) while watching/ listening to your favourite college teams play, and then on Sunday afternoon you lie in the lazy boy chair watching NFL. For big games you even have a group of mates over to watch with you and prepare "game day" food. My dad always said it was a good weekend when Grundy Centre, Iowa State, and the Chicago Bears won!

God bless my roommate Siobhan. She tries so hard to understand her American roommate and curb your autumn homesickness. She bought me the cutest little pumpkin, but couldn't understand why I wouldnt carve it. It's a little one for decor. We'll keep it until Thanksgiving! She also makes the best sweet potato soup ever and has never tried to make pumpkin pancakes. I also received a tin of pumpkin as a gift from somebody at work. People really are trying, but... It's not quite the same.
Belfast I understand that autumn a bit different here. Most of it you just can't control because of the weather, culture, and growing conditions. But please, please, PLEASE don't bring up the Ch word (Christmas- an incredible celebration of the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ) until November. Allow us Americans... Or at least this American enjoy the little bits of autumn left during the month of October. And one day I hope you get to experience a true fall experience.

Much love, Sarah, the American Local Autumn Lover

Disclaimer: I interchange the word "fall" and "autumn" throughout this post. I grew up calling this season fall, but have grown to accept and appreciate calling it autumn. The two words are the same things for this beautiful season!