I sit down at 10:50 PM at my computer after a long day working in Detroit. I check facebook and start thinking about my day. Exhaustion slowly starts to sweep over me, yet I know I'm not quite ready for bed yet. As my day swirls in my mind, I know that I will be lighting a candle, listening to funky Christian music and taking sometime to think and journal. I love my late night candle, music, work times. Sometimes it's really lonely though. I am very aware of the fact that I am the only one here and I often think about Kayla, my missionary sister who has very similar late night times as I do on the other side of the world.
After checking facebook, I take out the poems that were written at Bezalel (our after school program) today. I tell myself that I am not going to do any work, but I just want to read over these poems quick. I am stricken by reality and emotion that they put into these poems. I have been hoping for a day in which REALITY would come out in their work. One of our kids really loves animals, and a death of one brings out anger and tears. Bullying is such a reality for most of youth, and they don't know what to do about it. Then you have the boy who wants to remain in his dream land because then he wouldn't have to cry and cry over the death of his brother, yet I can also tell that Jesus is working in his life when he writes about remaining with him forever more. We were preparing writings to be used for spoken word/slam poetry. The kids were so restless today as I was trying to teach them how to write slam poetry, but as soon as I started talking about Jesus being condemned to death- all eyes were on me. Then for some reason, I was given the grace to write my own slam poetry and perform it before them. This month we are preparing a modified stations of the cross represented through different art forms like slam poetry.
The people in this city are so hungry for truth. I would even dare to say in this world, but we will take one city at a time! On Tuesday, I led the AA meeting at the Capuchin Soup Kitchen. I was asked to do it 2 hours before it started. I had led Bible studies before there, but never an AA meeting. I decided to blend the two together. There was one time during the meeting when I was preaching a bit about Psalm 32, and I looked up to see everyone looking and listening to me. Those moments overwhelm and I think "blaha what am i doing!?" I led an AA meeting, and it went really well. I cannot even begin to take the credit for it. I'm not equipped to lead AA meetings, but I have said "yes" to the Lord and He is equipped to do whatever He wants to with me.
Part of my late night thoughts is extreme randomness as I process through my day. So one of the girls I work with isn't going to school right now because her mom doesn't have enough money to put gas in the car. She's NOT going to school because they can't afford to put gas in the car.
Life is so complicated here. I have been told to survive here long term I need to prepare myself as if I am living in a third world country. I can't even begin to list all the times I wondered if I truly was in a third world country. Sometimes my life goes in circles and I wonder if I am accomplishing anything. I went to the library twice yesterday to try to get a movie for youth group. The first time the movie section was randomly closed. The second time was a failure because I wasn't able to get the movie even though they said they had it online. I don't think it was an absolute failure though because I was able to talk with a guy from the Freedom Projects who I hadn't seen in a while. I think it was an anointed meeting which I was very grateful for.
So often on nights like tonight, I think about my life as a missionary. I chuckle that I am in America because I imagine myself listening to music, burning a candle, and journaling in some foreign land. Who knows what that foreign land might be, but for right now it's Detroit. Oh Detroit! I never would have imagined living in this place. It's funny- a week ago today, I was leaving a families house after a very intense time of prayer and driving through downtown Detroit with my windows open (definitely not warm enough) with a Scotsman. I would have never imagined that in my wildest dreams. And yet there I was on Jefferies looking at the skyscrapers passing by, feeling the breeze on my face, and experiencing the Lord's blessings of the life He has given me. It's not easy or always the most attractive, but it truly is a blessed life. As I blow out my candle and crawl into bed, I thank God for stepping into my life and leading me on the adventure of a life time!
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