Brutal Honesty

I don't know if you have ever spent an extended time period with an African American family, but something you will quickly realize is that usually they are all brutally honest with one another, with you, with the guy walking down the street. It is just part of their culture and personhood to be extremely honest.

Last week, a couple of my friends were visiting from St. Paul, and they attended an AA meeting with me at the Capuchin Soup Kitchen. One of the things that stuck out to them was how honest everyone was. The people at the meeting told it as it was. They weren't trying to hide anything because there was no reason to do so. There were a few women who were being extremely honest about using, being in jail that week, and a few other situations going on in their life. Because of their honesty, another man was able to be honest about catching his girl with another man, and how he really wanted to use but didn't. Men, especially African American men, don't like to be honest about those sorts of things, yet because of other people's honesty he was able to be honest. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "The Truth will set you free." Honesty is a huge part of the 12 Steps AA program. They say that if you have the capacity of being honest with yourself this program can work for you, but only if you are honest with yourself and others.

For my friends who were visiting, this honesty came as a bit of a shock. They were reflecting on their lives back home and how few people were actually honest with each other. In the white, especially suburban, culture (this doesn't mean that you have to be white it is just the ethnicity that is most associated with this culture) we often like to wear masks to hide from the reality of life. We don't like to show people what is actually going on in our lives, so we hide behind the mask of "this is the me I want to show you." But what if that isn't the actual you? (Oh baby, I could go on about that, but I am going to stick with honesty for a bit.) We like to smooth things over and avoid confrontation. It often feels like we are walking on glass in order to not ruffle any feathers. But that's craziness! We would rather choose walking on glass... GLASS... in order to not ruffle any feathers! Feathers or glass?!

Yesterday, Andy and I went to visit a family that has been working with Youth Works for the past few years. They are an incredible family that is close to both of our hearts. It is always a huge blessing to go over to their house to hang out and talk trash... and that's often what we do. It is so good to be their sitting in their living room talking about everything under the sun, yet it can often be a little awkward. Everything is talked about, and I mean everything! This morning, I was reflecting on why I thought it was awkward, and I realized that it was too honest for me. I am not used to the brutal honesty that dominates our conversations. In another one of my blogs that I am working on, I talk more about the raw reality of Detroit, and honesty is another part of this raw reality in which I live in. The honesty stretches me, but it is such a blessing. It is an honor for me to sit in their living room like family talking about anything that comes to mind. Even though there are things said that make me feel a little awkward like talking about strip clubs, if I have ADHD, what smells in the house, or which guy is the cutest, there is also the conversations where I feel so privileged to be sitting in the living room of these teachers. Teachers who open their lives up to me in order to share what's really going on. I see the hand of God at work right before my eyes.

In our work in Detroit, we see very little of the fruit of our labors, but with this family, God just lavishes me with blessings. They are so grateful for what Youth Works provides to not only their family, but to the city. Together we are able to share how our lives have been changed by the work in which God is doing in through Youth Works. And I see it. I see how Andy and I have been changed, and I get the pleasure of seeing how this family is being changed.

This brutal honesty isn't really as brutal as I once thought. The things I often see as awkward aren't as awkward as I thought if I put them into context. I am actually grateful that they feel comfortable enough to share these things with me. The honesty can sometimes be painful, but it's real. There is a rawness to it that testifies to our true personhood- to our being. It gets to the core of who we are- A beautiful mess in need of a Savior.