Love

I am absolutely wrecked! I had such a blast tonight at a haunted forest Halloween thing YI was helping with today. I didn't know that it was going to be a haunted forest or that I was going to be outside of hours. Needless to say, I was not very excited.

I don't really like Halloween as much as I used to. I hate taking the time, energy, and money to figure out a costume. I hate how it has become so scarey, demonic, and sexualized. I loved it as a kid, but now I kind of wander if it actually is a holiday worth celebrating.

Tonight I had an absolute blast! It was my job to take Micky and Minnie Mouse around to the kids. Basically, I made sure that they were facing the right direction, knew where the kids were, that they were able to move about giving the kids hugs, high fives, and taking pictures since they were barely able to see. I loved seeing the joy on the kids faces when they were able to see Micky and Minnie. It was my responsibility to make the mouse couple successful and serve them because they weren't able to see anything. I loved how high energy it was and how much I was able to interact with different people.

It was especially neat to have kids who knew me from school or the neighborhood call out my name even if I didn't know who they were. I spend a lot of time doing outreach in a local high school and on the streets once a week. I'm becoming a mini American celebrity in West Belfast. I love it! One 12 year old girl we met out on the streets a couple of weeks ago started coming to a couple of our social events this week. It's neat to see how our efforts in outreach is building relationships and getting youth involved in our programs.

Today we had about 40 young people ages 11-18 go on a day trip ice skating and bowling. I loved skating alongside preteen girls who gripped my hand in fear as I taught them out to skate. As I was skating with these young people, and entering into their fears and vulnerability, I realized how much I was beginning to love them.

Love is a crazy thing. I don't really understand how love works. This is border line for being too deep for my tired little brain. We'll see what happens though! :0) I remember being 16 years old just getting back from Sierra Leone, West Africa and being shocked by how much my heart could expand to love people. I didn't understand how it was possible for me to love those children in Africa so much. But I did. And after going a second time, I realized that I honestly loved 80 plus children from the bottom of my heart. It didn't make sense, and I didn't understand how it was even possible.

My dear friend Kayla Boi with a group of children from a hospital we visited on our first trip to Sierra Leone. Many nights after coming home, I would cry myself to sleep thinking about them. I really cared about them, and it broke my heart to know that I will never know what happened to them.

Joseph and Saidu. Two boys who I love to death. They truly are like my younger brothers. I still pray and think about them often.


Now I'm sure that there were times in college when I experienced this kind of love as well. During college it was different though; it was probably more about realizing that I could love my friends in ways that are different from loving my family. Sometimes I preferred to be with my friends than with my family, and that was something very new for me. Some of my friends became my family.

The funny thing about love is that it hurts. It hurts a lot. I was talking today to someone who wondered if it was worth investing in a relationship knowing that it was going to end in less than a year. I told her that we never know where the relationship will end up, but that the joy of the relationship is always worth so much more than the pain of the separation. There is a Garth Brooks song called "The Dance." It talks about "Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I would had to miss the dance." I was reminded of my cousin Patrick who died at the age of 4 from cancer. My family could have missed a lot of pain, but 4 years with Patrick was so much better than ever not knowing him. He was such an incredible little boy who taught me a lot even at a young age.

I don't know if I realized how much I loved loving people until I went to Detroit for the first time. There was a guy named Jamie Graham from Glasgow, Scotland, and... if you know him... you are probably eagerly waiting to hear what I am going to say about him and how this ties into everything. Jamie isn't like any other person I have ever met. He's outspoken, sarcastic, opinionated, annoying, outgoing, LOUD, and he doesn't necessarily follow "cultural norms". Now this looks like I am painting a really bad picture of him, but the truth is I love him to death and he's an incredible guy. I don't really know when it happened, but some how I pushed past his "Non-Minnesota niceness" and got on with him brilliantly. To this day, I would say he is my favorite person from Scotland.

JAMIE!

On the last day of DSO during dinner, we had a bit of time in which we could honor one another. Jamie got up to honor me for the way we were able to get on and my ability to love lots of different kinds of people. It was really neat because I don't think I even recognized that about myself. I served and loved the homeless, young children, and teenagers all within six weeks of service in Detroit. It can often be challenging to relate with such a variety of people, and Jamie expected it to be challenging for me to. He was surprised that it wasn't. Again, the Lord gave me a heart for His people, and I loved them unconditionally without really knowing what I was doing.

For the last three weeks of the summer, I was put on Jamie's street team working with high schoolers doing manual labor around the city of Detroit. I knew there were a girl or two who the rest of the staff were completely fed up with. Since I was new to the crew, I decided to take on the challenge of one of the girls named Sequoya. Little did I know that I would be making a decision that would change the rest of my life. Every single day I worked alongside Sequoya and Malaka even when they didn't want me to. We talked about a lot of things while pulling weeds, cleaning, gardening, and doing loads of other tedious jobs.

Erica, Malaka, Sequoya, and I at the Street Team closing banquet.

Sequoya had a big attitude... some may say a big attitude problem, but I would say just a big attitude. She always seemed to be pissed off at the world, she had really short patience, she didn't like being told what to do, and if you messed with her- she would take you out. I loved her immediately. I would work alongside of her whenever possible. She caught on and it annoyed her. I liked the challenge of getting to know her and building a relationship with her. We talked about her anger and ways to just ignore the other girls. She also liked telling me about hood rats and other things this white Iowan girl never heard of before. One day while gardening, I was talking to her and I put my hand on her arm. She totally freaked out. Don't touch her! I would remember that for next time. Next time, proved to be different. On our last day of work, she gave me a big hug. All the staff were shocked, but I knew that love truly bears all things... even big attitudes.

I was shocked two months later when I was starting up the Youth Works-Detroit girls youth group by how much Sequoya had changed. She was even a bit surprised by how she felt happier and more patient with people especially in the crowded hallways at school. Our youth group was really small. And that was often challenging for me because it didn't look like a "normal" youth group. I was blessed with the opportunity not to only meet with the girls regularly but also with their families. By sitting in their homes (I don't have words to even begin to describe their home lives or the issues they faced. Someone once described it as "If you were to list serious issues that a family might face your list would probably be shorter than the list of issues that this family had encountered."), I learned what it meant to be a Christian. I walked the road to Calvary with these families, I felt the pain of the crucifixion over and over again, but I also remembered and rejoiced in the resurrection of Jesus Christ when we will one day stand before Him in the heavenly Jerusalem where pain and sorrow will be no more. It was through these girls and their families that I experienced more love and sorrow than I ever imagined possible. It was there where I found Jesus.

Andy, another youth worker in Detroit, and I spent a lot of time with Sequoya and her brothers throughout our year in Detroit.

Out with the youth group girls.

There is a line in the song "When I Survey the Wonderous Cross" that goes See from His head, His hands, His feet, Sorrow and love flow mingled down! Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, Or thorns compose so rich a crown? Coming to Belfast, I was hesitant to love like I had in Detroit. There was a lot that I hadn't processed through (and in which I am still processing through), and I wasn't sure if I was ready to dive into deep relationships in a new city, in a new country, and with a new ministry remembering how much it had hurt in Detroit. While on our staff residential, God reminded me of the truth of the cross. It's not only about sorrow but also about love. Yes, there is extreme pain, but also the glorious resurrection where my hope lies. I continue to set my gaze heavenward remembering the Christ is already victorious over sin and death.

There is another bit in the song that goes Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all. That brings me back to ice skating. Love itself gave everything it had, and it demands me to do the same. I am blessed beyond belief to be loved beyond measure by the Creator of the heaven and earth. To be loved by so many people all around the world, it's indescribable! I know that God is going to continue bringing people into my life to love. But it's nothing that I have to fear or worry about because He's the one who provides everything that I need as my heart continues to expand and be filled with more and more love each day. I don't love my family, the children in Africa, my collage mates, Jamie, or the girls in Detroit any less because I am no longer with them. I'm no Grinch! Rather my heart will continue to grow through the grace of God even through the painful bits as I enter into His love for His people. That's all I want to do with my life- love people. Some days I do it better than others, but I pray that God is the one doing the loving and that I continue to be able to journey alongside His people no matter where in the world I might be. For now, it's in Belfast. Praise the Lord!

StumbleUpon

While living in household 3 years ago, my roommates were often on StumbleUpon a website that will help you discover great websites, videos, photos, and facts from the internet. For some of my roommates it became regular habit to "stumble" after checking her e-mail and facebook and any other form of procrastinating before starting an assignment. I never visited the website myself, but I heard lots about it as I learned fun facts.

Today I thought about the website for the first time in over a year while exploring Belfast City Centre. (I did it! I spelled City Centre as if I am from Belfast. Please note, won't spell it any other time like that except when referring to Belfast). Today, I had the whole afternoon and evening free, so I decided to explore the city centre. I needed to by a few things for Matthew's birthday which is two days before mine. Besides that I had no agenda, so I decided to walk around.

I haven't spent much time in the City Centre since moving to Belfast. My weekends have been really busy since being here, but I have reflecting a lot recently about what brings me life and restores me from the business of life. The downtown of cities just speaks to my heart in ways no other places do. It's an automatic "happiness" moment. Sometimes after hard weeks in Detroit, I would just leave work early and drive downtown and walk along the river. There were also many times I would drive around at night in awe of the massive buildings lit up. My roommate Alex knew the way to calm me down after being stressed out by student teaching and my final year of uni. She would just take me on a drive to downtown Minneapolis with music blaring, windows open, and thoughts flooding without having to say a word. For being a small town girl, I LOVE city life.

While getting my city fix today, I stumbled upon majesticness. Side note: a moment of truth. I don't do a very good job researching the cities I live in before going. Rather I allow the city to show me what it has to offer, talk to locals, and figure out the rest later. For some reason, I turned down this little alley way and I saw this massive cathedral. I can't put into words what it was like to stumble upon something that beautiful at the end of such a random alley.

St. Anne's Cathedral- also known as Belfast Cathedral is the cathedral for the Church of Ireland.

As I was walking across this open square up to the cathedral I was struck by the words written on a slab of concrete in the middle of the square.

"I was born in Belfast and brought up to believe that, like St. Paul, I am a citizen of no mean city."

I continued walking around the square and saw quotes from men who had lived, worked, and loved the city of Belfast. My favorite was finding a C.S. Lewis who was born in East Belfast. As I continued reading, I realized that I was in Writer's Square. It was brilliant because that's exactly what I wanted to do was sit down, think, write, and be creative.

I absolutely loved my time in the city centre today. Time seemed to go in slow motion as I discovered incredible shopping centers, window shopped, looked down cute alleys, and enjoyed living in a city in Europe. It was so incredible. Sorry, I don't have more pictures. My camera started dying at the beginning of the evening. There will be more to come because I have much more to explore.

Ladies Nights

Babies, men, pregnancy, cooking, cleaning, and wine - some of the topics of discussion. One of the best parts of living with a young couple is that I am invited along with them to their social events. Last night, Judie Dick (this is your shout out :0) hosted a dinner and evening for a few of her close friends, and I was lucky enough to be invited along too. The dinner, dessert, and cheese were absolutely delicious, but within that one evening I learned more about being married, the pregnancy process, and having children than I even would have imagined was possible in one evening. Afterwards, a couple of people asked if I felt awkward, but the truth was I felt blessed to be among a group of women who were so welcoming to me. It didn't really matter if I was able to chime in about "my husband/lack of husband" or not. Rather I was able to share life with women who really loved and cared for each other, something I have really been longing for since moving to Belfast.

I'm in this strange age group/state in life where I can float back and forth between the college crowd and the married/stable "ish" in life crowd. I love being apart of both groups because it offers me a wide range of friendships, conversations, and life experiences. Some people get bitter and long to be back in college or happily married. Honestly, I sometimes wish for that too. At the same time, I'm so blessed by the life I have. I'm grateful for the opportunities to pick up my entire life, buy a one way ticket to Belfast, and settle into a completely new culture and community. As the young people always say "YOLO- You Only Live Once!"

Brown Sauce

Today, I was reading an article in a magazine about a guy who traveled to Japan. The article began describing all these differences he noticed the first few days like how clean the streets were without any rubbish bins or how quiet the subways were. Little things that natives never notice, but as a foreigner you can't help but to notice.

I continued reading the story while piling onto my fork toast with melted cheese o, baked beans, and brown sauce. I never would have imagined that this random assortment of food would be something I would eat for breakfast, but since moving to Ireland things that I once thought to be "strange" have become my new normal.

Brown Sauce: I heard my UK friends talk about it all the time while I was in Michigan. They missed it a lot and always wanted to put it on their food. I never really understand what it was. I imagined it being like some kind of brown gravy. When I first got to Belfast, someone described it more like BBQ sauce. After tasting it, I realized that it can't really be described, and it most be an acquired taste. It has a strong vinegar bite, but it adds a bit of flavor to your meal.

Wikipedia describes it as: Brown sauce is a traditional condiment served with food in the United Kingdom and Ireland, normally brown or dark orange in colour, and made from a varying combination of tomatoes, molasses, dates, tamarind, spices, vinegar, and sometimes raisins or anchovies. The taste is either tart or sweet with a peppery taste similar to Worcestershire sauce. It is similar but not identical to steak sauce in the United States, which historically derives from it, barbeque sauce in Australia, and tonkatsu sauce in Japan.

As the saying goes,

When in Rome do as the Romans do.

I'm trying not to compare the food from back home to here so much because I realized that much of it isn't a difference between what's better or best (except the chocolate here is much better), but rather it deals with what you grew up with and what your willing to try. I don't know why the pancakes are so small here or why baked beans are a part of breakfast, but you get used to it. Slowly over time it becomes the new normal as I add a little "sauce" to my life.

From an Email Home

I realized that I hadn't blogged all week since this week has been so busy! Here is a brief e-mail that I sent home to my parents about my week:


This week has been CRAZY! Probably crazier than usual because I have had several meetings in the evenings. I have been doing well though. I still have a bit of a cold, but I have been getting 7 or so hours of sleep each night and I have been making sure to drink enough fluids. So it's still there a bit, but it's not too bad.

This weekend we are going on a volunteers residential (retreat). The YI model is where you have youth come through the programs and after they have been involved for a year or two or three, you have them starting volunteering with the younger youths or even with other programs for their peers. Twice during the year, there is a massive retreat for all of them from West Belfast (where I work), East Belfast, Banbridge, and Down Patrick where each branch of YI is located.

It was neat because I am starting to become good friends with a girl named Heather who is the new girls worker for Banbridge. She did a gap year in Northern Ireland (where she's from) with a bunch of Americans, so she knows the American culture well. She is also a deep thinker and verbal processor, so we have hit it off well. She also loves Belfast and taking new people around the city. Last night we went to this neat pub near Queens University that was really delicious and pretty cheap. The best part of my night (outside of spending time with Heather talking and laughing) was going to this coffee shop called Common Ground. It reminded me so much of places I would go to in Minnesota. It was really great to be able to find a "Sarah" place within Belfast. Common Ground is a hip church run coffee shop that attracts loads of different people from different communities and even countries since it's located near the international student housing at Queens University. I also had the best piece of chocolate cake in my entire life. It was mostly gooey fudge (warmed) with a bit of cake and of course whipped cream. AMAZING!

God continues to be so faithful to me here and provide for my needs no matter how small they are. People have been so generous and welcoming. I am slowly finding my way around and figuring out little things. I am also getting more used to eating a bit differently than what I would at home. My schedule has finally been figured out, so I should have a bit of "stability" in my life whatever that means. I'll update you more with what I am exactly doing sometime next week.

Outside in Ireland

Residentials: I think they are going to become my favorite weekend activity while in N. Ireland. You go on a retreat with a bunch of people some where out in the country where everything is green, hilly, and beautiful. Usually there is a little cottage you stay in with a fire place and mountains in the background. It's truly living straight out of a dream.

This past week, I went to Downpatrick. It is said that St. Patrick is buried there (but another place claims that as well, but most people accept that he's in Downpatrick), so it is a place of pilgrimage. I was there for a University Christian Outreach (UCO) retreat. I was involved with UCO while I was in Michigan, so I am grateful for the opportunity to be involved with young adults here in Ireland who want to built Christian environments to reach other students and disciple them. It was an incredible weekend to get to know each other and set a vision for the year.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was Saturday afternoon when a small group of us ventured up a little trail to the top of one of the mountains (or it could be called a large hill). It was so beautiful and incredible. Words can't describe the beauty of Ireland or how the hills just continue rolling in different shades of green or the how the sheep speckle the land or how majestic the mountains look when the clouds dance along the tops of them. It isn't the same as a breath taking view of a large mountain or a spectacular waterfall. Rather it's this continual beauty and fingerprint of God all around you. It's these moments that brighten my heart and when I stand in awe saying "I'm outside in Ireland right now. This isn't a dream, but I am really here in this incredibly beautiful place."

While in a field dodging piles of cow dung, we enjoyed the view, played frisbee, and scoped the scenery around us using binoculars. It was a great time to just be and have fun with one another. I am so blessed to be in a beautiful country and even more blessed by the community around me. I know these pictures don't do it just, but I thought you might enjoy a glimpse from my weekend view outside in Ireland.

Donating Online

Thank you to all of you who have supported me financially or showed interest in supporting me financially. I know that there has been some confusion on how to give online through the Sword of the Spirit E-give page. Below is instructions on how to give online. If you still have questions, please e-mail me at sarah.nilles@gmail.com.

Giving online:

1) Go to http://sos-nar.com/eGive.htm

2) Click on the

Click Here to Give >> eGive

3) MAKE A GIFT WITHOUT AN ACCOUNT Give to your favorite organizations without an account. Use our online form to complete your gift now! (Unless you want an account)

4) ENTER YOUR INFORMATION

5) ENTER BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION

6) ENTER GIFT INFORMATION
LOOK FOR LINE THAT SAYS : Support a gapper or staff (enter name at Special Instructions)

7) AT THE BOTTOM LOOK FOR:

Special Instructions
Please specify any other instructions for the breakdown of gift

.

TYPE IN

Sarah Nilles, Youth Initiatives

IN THE BOX.

TA DA! You're done. I will then receive an e-mail from this incredible lady named Jan who is processing all of my donations. At the end of the month, Jan will send a check to Doug who is the director of YI here in Belfast who will make sure I get the money to pay for rent, buy toothpaste, and other personal needs.

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. God has made it very clear that I am meant to be here. I know I wouldn't be able to do the work he has for me without you back home! You are all so incredible. Cheers!