Why Belfast?

On Friday, August 31, I will be boarding an airplane to fly to Belfast, Northern Ireland to live and serve there with a ministry called Youth Initiatives. I will be journeying alongside youth from the most disadvantaged communities in Northern Ireland particularly in West Belfast to awaken hope through Jesus Christ. I have a two year visa, but I have no idea how long I will be there. My life philosophy is one year at a time. And sometimes only one day at a time.

It's been really fascinating telling people that I will be moving to Belfast. A lot of people have been really excited for me. Others are confused why I would work for free and fund raise my living. "You know it is ok to do ministry work that pays?" People talk about how beautiful it is there, and how they want to visit me. Advice is given not to get bombed. Yeah, that's my goal whenever I go to do inner city work, to get shot or bombed. My favorite is when people tell me that I am going over there to find someone to marry. Yes, exactly what I'm thinking about doing my first month in the country. Unfortunately I have to wait until Leap Year in 2016 to follow the Irish tradition of asking the guy to marry me, so I guess I have to wait a bit.

At the beginning of June, I was sitting on the porch of a family I had worked with a lot in Detroit. We were catching up on how everyone was doing. I told them that I had graduated, and I was moving to Belfast to do inner city work. They all looked at me as if I was crazy, and said "Why would you do that?" It made me chuckle a bit as I pondered the questions myself. Why would I do that? Why would I go to another place I had never visited to do very similar work to the work I had been doing in Detroit? Ultimately, why Belfast? I've absolutely hated being asked this question because I never knew what to say. Uh, God is opening a door. I think this is what I am supposed to be doing. uh...

Over the last few months, God has given me the grace to articulate myself better. Why Belfast? I try to live my life where the Spirit of the Lord leads, and for this season of life I know that it is Belfast. God has a particular reason and purpose for leading me there, and even though I don't know what it is exactly, I know that I will learn soon enough. There is a song written by Ed Conlin that says "you will lead oh Lord where only love can go. He is my life oh Lord, my life for you." I thought about this song often when I was in Detroit. There were so many things I was unafraid of because God's love went before me. I encountered extremely difficult situations yet through the grace of God I was able to deal with them and face them head on.

Since Easter 2011, I began sensing that God had something to show me in Belfast. I was serving alongside people in Michigan from Belfast, so I heard a lot of stories about it. Of course, I wanted to go and visit but I very clearly remember waking up that EAster morning and telling my friend, Magz from West Belfast that God had something there for me. At the time I didnt know if it was for a short visit or for a longer period of time, but I knew he had something there for me to see. The following year when I was back in St. Paul, the desire to see what God had for me in Belfast was still there. I was actually very resistant to looking into serving with a Chrisitan community there. No way could God be calling me there. I just wanted to go for my own reasons; it would be a cool adventure! Each time I looked into doing something here, it didn't work out or I would have very unsettling feelings. Logically Belfast did not make sense. There were a lot of other GREAT job opportunities opening up right before me, but in my heart Belfast was the only thing that felt right.

As I prayed about going to Belfast, God never said "go to Belfast" rather he told me do not be afraid and I love you. It reminds me of the words from the song again, " and you will lead oh Lord where only love can go." God promises that his love goes before me, so I do not need to be afraid. Of course, I am nervous about the unknown of next year, and I wish he would tell me what's going on, but I trust that he will show me in his time. I still dont't fully understand "Why Belfast?" but I do know that God's love goes before me ad I don't need to be afraid. I'm content with that. Maybe in a few months or a few years, I will have a more elegant answer but I've never been the most elegant of people!

Losing It

I found myself in my room crying again because I couldn't find it... I couldn't find a picture that I took in Detroit. It might have been one of the photos that got deleted from the camera a few months ago. As tears fell down my cheeks, I became frustrated that I didn't save the pictures better. "It doesn't matter anyways," I think. And yet it some how does. Why else would I be crying about it? The worst part is that this isn't the first time I have cried over a lost picture. (I'm really bad about keeping track of photos.) As I wiped away the tears, I kept thinking, "why does this even matter?" And an old fear came creeping back, you're going to forget it said. As strange as it sounds, I'm so afraid that by moving around so much that I am going to lose those moments on the mission field that are so close to me. I feel like I have to prove that existed for others to see in order that it is actually real. It kills me that people don't know about Elizabeth Bindi, Joseph Bangura, Rutile or any of the other incredible people and situations from Africa that I hold so close to my heart. Just like the pictures, I fear that Africa, Detroit, and Minnesota might become lost. It's a LIE though! It's a lie because not only do I hold them close to my heart, but so does my heavenly Father. He loves them all so much more than I do. And he knows it all so much better than I could ever remember from a picture or story. So I hold close to him, remembering the good times and the bad. I once again trust the people of Detroit, Africa, friends, and family into the loving hands of the Father remembering that he loves them all. He knows what they need and He will provide for them.

God Cares... a LOT!

I am continually struck and blown away by God's faithfulness. People always comment on how crazy I am for all the things I do. I just want to respond by saying that I have an even crazier Papa. He sent His son to die on the cross for me and each and every day His Grace and Spirit are enough! God really cares, and it makes everything worth it. This past weekend, I traveled to Minnesota to visit friends and say "good bye" for the last time before moving to Belfast. A couple of weeks ago I was overwhelmed by the short visit and all the people I wanted to see. My wiser friend, Kelsey told me, "Sarah, I can't wait until the end of the trip when you talk about how much God blessed you just like He always does on these short visits." I knew she was right, but I had no idea how right she was. My trip to Minnesota was so much more than visiting friends and saying goodbyes. The Lord spoke directly into areas of my life I had been afraid of, questions I had about Belfast, and lose ends in relationships that had been hanging for years. Even better, He provided in the little ways. I was standing for 20 minutes having an incredible conversation that I wasn't sure was going to happen with my brother Joe Hall who has been battling cancer for over a year. As I was looking at the tint of pink in Joe's cheeks (during other visits he has been deathly pale) and the foot long scar on his stomach, I was struck that we had this moment together when he was joyful and not puking his guts out. For 20 minutes, we shared life, joked, and talked about the future. And I needed that. I needed Joe back as my brother and to have his encouragement before leaving for Belfast. The Lord did that over and over again during my time in Minnesota. He perfectly set up situations and conversations to show me how loved I was, and how much I can trust in Him. He made it strikingly clear that I have a family that will meet once a year in Minnesota for training with St. Paul's Outreach and we are scattered all over the world. We came together in college to form a community led by the Spirit of God, and just as the Spirit drew us together, now He sends us out. Many of my friends are still working for SPO, but I get to go off on another adventure in Belfast working for Youth Initiatives. A cross cultural missionary once told me that good "goodbyes" make for good "hellos." Through the grace of God, I'm anticipating a really good "hello" with Belfast. The Lord has a big work for me in Belfast, and I believe it extends well beyond the walls of YI. Even though the unknown makes me a little nervous, I am not afraid because over and over again, God shows me that He cares a lot. "My grace is sufficient for you..." 2 Corinthians 12.9

Lemonade Stands

I try to make it a goal to always stop and buy lemonade when I see a lemonade stand. Some of the best times have been with Kelsey. Through our lemonade "stops," I have come to appreciate a good cup of lemonade compared to the cheap "thrown together" kind. If setting up a lemonade stand, here's some advice: 1) Don't put too much ice in. Then there isn't enough room for the lemonade. 2) Have big cups. 3)It's better to be too sweet than not sweet enough. 4) Homemade lemonade is always the best and definitely worth a whole dollar. 5) Don't be too shy. People who stop to buy lemonade usually want to talk to you especially if they are teachers. :0) Lemonade stands symbolize the American dream each summer as children line the streets with dreams of starting a small business or buying something special with their hard earned coins. Next time you see a lemonade stand on the side of the road, take a few minutes, stop, and buy a cup of lemonade. As the saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Why not buy someone else's lemonade as well?

Water Balloons

Written in July 2011: I have never been so happy to see water balloons as I was this afternoon. I was visiting a mom who I had been building a relationship with over the last month in the Freedom Housing Projects. All of a sudden I saw a young man duck around the corner and a colored balloon whiz by my face and "SPLAT" it hit the side of the house. Then I heard laughter. I saw guys running after each other saying "I'm going to get you." I saw a mom yell at these young men, yet not really angry. I saw joy flash across broken faces of men who's future is as unknown as the date of the apocalypse.
Most of these men had dropped out of high school, hanging out at friends' houses probably doing drugs or drinking, and for some going in and out of jail. Men my age who probably never met their fathers or even had a God fearing man in their life to show them what a real man is. Instead gang leaders, drug dealers, and pimps show them what being a "man" is. On this afternoon rather than dodging the police or bullets, they were ducking from water balloons. On this afternoon, laughter and joy rang through the air as balloons were filled and escape routes plotted. Normalcy entered their lives for a brief moment in time as young men played.

Reading with H

6:06 my alarm went off and I immediately jumped out of bed. I knew I had a long, full day of me. I was quickly making mental notes as I was getting ready to leave, taking a quick prayer time, and grabbing a box of Raisin Bran Crunch out of the cupboard as I ran out the door shortly after 7:00 AM. I stopped by Dominick's grocery store to buy supplies for a volcano lesson this afternoon and a coffee from Starbucks. Today was definitely going to be a coffee day. My day continued on in a swirl of craziness as I tried to skype quickly with my host family in Belfast for the first time, orientate a new staff member in the elementary, lead the day at summer camp from the 6-10 year olds, welcome new campers, take care of the little details, teach lessons and peacefully deal with students who were having a "rough" day. It was craziness, but I loved it. Finally at 3:30 when I had brought a group of students to the pool did I realize how tired I was. I still had 2.5 hours to work. Why am I working such long hours this summer? By 4:30, I had forgotten again how tired I was when I was helping a student who had had an accident, communicating with the other staff members, directing the other students out the door, and rubbing my face much more than usual in exhaustion. The overwhelming feelings of a long day were increasing. Just as I was walking over to the main campus to help with extended care, the fire alarms were going off. GREAT! I don't even know where we are supposed to be going (this is a different campus and building than what I am usually at). Fortunately the other campers and counselors did. I grabbed the clipboards took role call, listened to the sirens, and sang songs. It happened up being delightful! After the action was all over, we waved goodbye to the firefighters on their BIG YELLOW truck rather than a red truck. (All those children's books were wrong about red fire trucks. Than can be other colors too.) We continued our afternoon playing on the bars, doing flips, watching Miss Sarah do flips too, cleaning up the yard, and going inside to the library. Once again as I sat down in the library, I remembered how tired I was. Ok a half an hour more, I can do this. As I was waiting with my elementary students, my little 3 year old friend, H, came over to join the big kids. I got him a little chair to sit on. Of course we wanted to sit in my chair, so I sat in the little chair. H pulled a couple of books off the shelf. As we read together, I noticed the rush and craziness slowly melt away. I staggered on the pages to allow H and myself time to experience each one. After each page was turned, H would leave his hand on my hand. His hand on my hand while slowly reading three books put life into perspective. Sometimes we just need moments to slow down and take things in. To breath deeply and just be. Jesus regularly took moments throughout his day to just be without a the craziness of life rushing around him. I believe God gives us these moments everyday to just be and remember how loved we are. May we remember that we are truly loved and to love those around us. I'm really grateful for H today and the way he showed me Christ's love by showing me how to slow down and just be.

Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot

Be still and know that He is God. When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge. Remember that you are not alone. "The Lord, He it is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee neither forsake thee. Be strong and of good courage." (Deut. 31:8) Jesus promised His disciples, "Lo, I am with you always." (Matt. 28:20) Never mind if you cannot feel His presence. He is there, never for one moment forgetting you. Give thanks. In times of my greatest loneliness I have been lifted up by the promise of 2 Corinthians 4:17, 18, "For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, because we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen." This is something to thank God for. This loneliness itself, which seems a weight, will be far outweighed by glory. Refuse self-pity. Refuse it absolutely. It is a deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows. Accept your loneliness. It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last. Offer up your loneliness to God, as the little boy offered to Jesus his five loaves and two fishes. God can transform it for the good of others. Do something for somebody else. No matter who or where you are, there is something you can do, somebody who needs you. Pray that you may be an instrument of God's peace, that where there is loneliness you may bring joy. rebellion-- if this is the will of God for me now, He doesn't love me. rejection-- if this is what God is giving me, I won't have any part of it. faith-- God knows exactly what He's doing acceptance-- He loves me; He plans good things for me; I'll take it.