Mind Blown... rantish

Laura and I a year ago.  Little did we know that we would be working together
this year leading the faith development program. 

God... faith... religion is incredible and MIND BLOWING.  So I sit down to write a quick reflection on Sunday's Mass readings and my thoughts about obeying God through choosing His will (aka living in Belfast)  As I start writing, I copy down a few verses.  Then it reminds me of a few verses from Deuteronomy.  After finding that, I decide to look up my original verses in my study Bible.  This leads me to learn that there is no "Ecclesisticus" in my Bible.  What? So after googling it, I learned that Ecclesiasticus is another name for the Book of Sirach (sorry my protestant brothers and sisters... being oober Catholic here. :0) 

Then I get going on the whole "Jerusalem Bible translation/ IEV" verse "New American Bible" translation.  I swear all of these Bible translations are going to be the end of me.  This of course reminds me of my whole frustration of finding suitable Catholic Youth Bibles for Irish young people in a translation that they may hear in Mass. AKA - I do not want our young people walking around with massive, but incredible Youth Bibles that say on the front "New American Bible." You CAN be a Catholic Irish person.  Ok, ok, I know... I need to get over this, but seriously Catholic Youth Bibles in the IEV translation.  Or at least being able to know where to look for one.  This one of the many challenges I face not growing up in Ireland and understanding how things work.  Let me not even begin to talk about politics.  Imagine if I was in Africa... 

I've decided that I am going to start asking questions and contacting people about Bibles for young people. I decided with the place I know best- St. Mary's Press where I received the Ambassador of Christ Award from.  Instead of writing them a letter, I found myself going through their resources and watching videos about faith.  Things that gave me a whole new perspective on faith... God... and religion.  It's amazing!

The best thing is, this doesn't just happen when I am at home having down time.  This happens when I'm at work.  As a faith development worker, I often have a Bible.. or two opened up in front of my desk with another resource book or two.  I'm youtubing things or listening to new music while trying to put together a class, prepare for a session at the Well, or just learn more about my Catholic Christian faith that I am trying to share with others.  

It's not so much about what I can teach them, but what we can learn together. It used to be about what I knew and could pass on to them, but the reality is... I don't know that much.  There are a lot better qualified faith development workers out there, but the reality is... I've been chosen alongside Laura for this position.  It's not about knowing everything or trying to do things perfectly.  It's about surrendering, realizing my littleness, and allowing God to work through me.  He's the greatest teacher. 

That's one thing I have been really convicted of since being home in Iowa, God keeping us beyond ourselves so we have to rely completely on His grace.  I've talked about this a lot especially as the song Oceans is becoming more popular.  Just when I think I am starting to figure things out, a curve ball comes in changing everything.  It reminds me that I'm not in control and God truly is.  At the Well youth prayer group we pray "You are God. I am not. I trust in you."  What more can we really do?  

That's basically what I do with my life.  I ask questions. I look things up.  I listen.  I challenge. I explore and learn. I pray. I hangout and build relationships.  It's not rocket science, but it is truly mind blowing.  I am beyond blessed that this is the life God has called me to live. 

My Messy Room

My room is a complete disaster and at 11:30 at night I decided to wash the massive pile of dishes littering the kitchen.  In less than 60 hours, my plane leaves from Belfast International airport back to the States for a two and a half week visit, and I have no idea how I am supposed to fit 100 plus hours into 60.

That's why I decided to do the dishes tonight. I couldn't bare going into the mess tomorrow morning while silently trying to rush around clashing pots and pans while washing dishes waking my sick roommate at an unreasonable hour. Mostly though, I knew that I would busy myself first thing in the morning rather than taking a prayer time.  "Unless The Lord builds the house, they labor in vain..." Psalm 127.1. I know that if I don't put first things first everything will crumble apart.  In these next 60 hours I can rush around trying to make everything work or I could slow down, take time with the King of kings and Lord of lords and allow HIM to direct my day.  He knows how many hours are in a day and He will provide for exactly what I need.  A friend once told me to stop worrying because God would allow enough time for exactly what He knows I need to do if only I trust Him.  You are God. I am not. I trust in You.  Such a simple prayer, but how often to do forget it?

So my bedroom floor may be covered in piles of clothes, work, math tutoring, tissues, and things to bring home, but at least I know where everything is.  It's organized chaos with everything being in a "neighborhood." There isn't much space in my 6ft by 9ft bedroom, but I make do. My bag never really got unpacked from two weekends ago for when I went away this past weekend.  I have no idea when I will pack for America or really what I'm going to bring.  I'm flat out with work between now and 10:30 on Wednesday night but again I know it's all going to work out.  There is constantly little things that need to be done, but it all doesn't need to be done today.

Sometimes, we just need to learn how to live in the chaos of our lives and see the beauty within it. Jesus loves being with us in the messiness, and he doesn't expect us to be perfect. Rather he desires for us to be his. Perfectly and completely His. I pray that tomorrow the first thing I do when I wake up is surrender my day to him remember that he will provide the time for the things HE has in store for me rather than the endless to do list I expect of myself. Maybe I'll even see my bedroom floor before I leave... Just to make sure it's still there.