Staying

I just sent an e-mail update to a few of my friends scattered throughout the world.  As I was searching for their addresses, I was struck by how rich my life has been getting to know so many incredible people.  After getting to know each other for a couple of years (or maybe longer) myself or them move on into another chapter of our lives.  I hate it and love it, but never would I have it another way.  I am so honored and blessed to call each of them my friends, and I am glad we don't all live in the same small town (can you imagine!), but rather God has scattered us throughout the nations.  Our lives are not our own, but truly His.  As much as I miss them all, I know that we are united by something much greater than location.  This is the truth I hold onto.

For the last, 8 months I have been living and working in Belfast.  This year has been challenging in ways that I never expected, yet absolutely incredible.  I live in Ireland- it's the American dream.  It has been really hard for me to be away from so many of my friends and family, and enter into the "Belfast culture."  Sometimes I wonder what this bubbly American is doing here, but over and over again God confirms that this is exactly where I am meant to be.  January was by far my hardest month here, and I desperately wanted to go home.  Even though Belfast hasn't been the "perfect fit" like I experienced in Africa and Detroit, I have learned a lot about choosing to love and to be here rather than feeling like it.  As I have choose to be here each day, God has really enlarged my heart for this city.  Over Holy Week, I decided that I am going to stay here for another year - most likely working on a voluntary basis.  I am so excited to stay here because I know that God has so much more for me than I even realize.  I love the people I work and serve alongside.  The people here are so lovely and welcoming.  I'm really starting to build relationships here and finding my niche within Belfast. 

I didn’t plan on making my decision about Belfast during Lent.  Actually at Christmas time through the wisdom of a lady I was meeting with, I decided not to think much about if I was “staying” or “going.”  Rather to focus on putting things on the shelf in order that I may whole-heartedly give myself to the Lord and be in His presence.  During Lent, I took time to really pray, discern different things in my life, hear from the Lord, and really just BE in His presence.  God really spoke and opened my eyes to loads of things.  One of those things was that God had more for me here in Belfast, and that if I left after this year, I would be leaving prematurely.  At first, I thought I had to stay because there were no other options available.  Slowly, I began to realize that there was much more (and probably still even more than I realize).  I knew I didn’t have deep roots here, and that I wouldn’t be too sad about leaving.  I hadn’t given everything I have yet nor have I truly allowed myself to be blessed, broken, and shared with those around me. 

Over the last year, God has been about a mighty work in my life.  He has really uprooted a lot of things and cleared house.  In scripture in Philippians it says “I am confident in this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.”   God has been about a good, good work in my life, and I am so grateful that He wants to continue on it.  Over again and over again God has spoken to me, “I have more for you.  I have more for you.”  It blows me away that the Lord of the heavens and of the earth who gave his very life for me on the cross- he gave up everything for me, still says “I have more for you.”  So I’m staying because this is where God has invited me to do- not being afraid, but rather being with him because he has so much more for me. 

 In all of this, there are still some practicalities that are being sorted out.  I already have a visa. (I originally applied for a two year visa.  Some people just assumed I was staying here for two years.) as well as people who are willing to live with me (they must be mad! ;0) I have things to do (aka work) but just because there is work doesn’t necessarily mean there is money.  There are a few things still up in the air in regards to finances.  Under my visa I could be paid by Youth Initiatives, but they don’t have the resources right now to pay a faith based youth worker (I have a religious worker visa).  That is a HUGE prayer request- not only that I can get funded for another year, but that money will come in for the faith development program within YI.  I’ll write a separate blog post about that later, but basically I am doing a lot of Catholic youth worker using my training on the New Evangelization.  Unfortunately there is little money for this kind of youth work, but harvest is so plentiful.  I am planning on going home for a visit at the end of the summer, and part of my visit will be fundraising for both myself and the faith development program.  Please, please, please be lifting these two things up in prayer.  

Yeah, I’m staying and it’s so exciting and really crazy.  I never imagined myself doing this- living life in Belfast and working with Irish young people.  My life is not my own, and God knows the plans he has for me. “Plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope,” says the Lord in Jeremiah.  What an incredibly blessed life I have lived.  I am so excited for the adventure still to come!   Blessings to each of you!

An Easter Story

“You’re not from f***in around here are ya?”  Nope, I’m not. 

I begin talking to my cab driver about being from America and moving here to do youth work in Poleglass as we drive around the Poleglass Roundabout.  “How do you find the Colin area?”  - one of the most commonly asked questions from cab drivers and locals.  It’s a hard one to answer, but I tell the truth.  It’s a deprived area with few shops and opportunities for employment, but the people are very welcoming and lovely.  We then start talking about the young people and a few more “f words” fly about.  (The “f word” is spoken much more frequently here, so I have come accustomed to it. And to think ten years ago I thought it was the WORST word ever.) 

My driver starts to talk about the challenges with young people and how it all starts with drugs.  He then explains to me what he thinks about drugs, and I listen quietly thinking in my own head how there is more than drugs going on in these neighborhoods.  To my surprise my cab driver even has an answer to the problems- take all the drug dealers and cut off their hands.  He explains a few times how this will solve the problems by having the drug dealers hands cut off.  My mind is racing between people in Detroit who I know have sold drugs to feed their families, handless people in Sierra Leone, and the political celebrations occurring in Catholic West Belfast among the republicans.  I am sure I have just met one those hard core Republicans!

I quietly shared the story of my friend who sold drugs in Detroit because no one in his family had money.  Turing around in my street, my cab driver had a story of his own about the largest drug dealer in Poleglass.  This man didn’t have a good background as a child, so his own dad pulled him under his wing- he watched out for him and brought him fishing.  Even with this support, the lure towards drug dealing, snagged him, and pulled him under.  Now he’s caught in a business supplying drugs throughout the Colin area. 

All I could think about was something a friend of mine wrote about cycles:

 “There is a tendency of the devil to create cycles. Cycles where one sin breeds another and that: another, until this sin returns to the original sin. Cycles where hopeless situations breed hopeless people.”  I quickly shared about the cycles of sin and suffering we all fall into, and how they are so difficult to break out.  And as we were sitting in front of my house, rather than asking for my money and driving on, my cab driver this “proper westie” whose language was sprinkled with F-bombs said “My life has been destroyed by drugs.  Since my son was 13 (now he’s 18) I have seen drugs destroy him.”  This man opened up his life of hurt, pain, and despair.  He motioned his hands up and down his arms and legs describing how his sons is covered with cuts, how they found him in battery acid trying to take his own life, how drugs have literally driven him to the cliff of despair.  I heard a man share about the despair he has felt and encountered watching his son’s life crumble apart.  And once again, I find myself with a parent of a child not knowing what to do anymore. 

“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1.5  Easter is about this truth.  Easter is about the celebration of victory- of the light of the world coming down into the darkness, shining brightly for all to see, and conquering darkness with light.  This is what defines Christians- Jesus Christ conquering sin and death in order that we may have life and have it to the full.  Love always wins!

A few weeks ago, I was extremely overwhelmed after doing street outreach work by how messed up our world is around us.  I heard a girl talk about the chaos she has lived in and how her older brother died from a cocaine overdose.  Later that evening I saw 13 year olds running down the street - knifes in hand.  When I got home, I just wept over the situations and it reminded me of so many situations I experienced in Detroit.  I was frustrated that God didn’t stop the bullets flying in Detroit piercing the flesh of young men or scoop the young people out of these situations.  I knew he was there for them on the cross, but I didn’t see why he didn’t physically come and safe them from these horrific situations.   I was so grateful that night to talk to my friend Priscilla from Detroit about it all.  Through that conversation the Lord showed me how rather than coming to scoop us out of these situations, he instead entered into them with us.   By entering into the “shite” with us, he was able to redeem them.  This truth and realization has completely changed the way I view the cross and resurrection.  How incredible that we have a God who enters into our suffering in order that it may be redeemed!  It’s so much greater than just being scooped out of it.

On this Easter evening, I was placed into the suffering of a father who loved his son so much, yet ached because of the pain he had gone through.  It’s in these moments  it’s hard for me to know what to do next.  I quietly share how I am a person of prayer, and I would like to pray for his son.  The man behind the wheel tells me that he would appreciate that and his sons name is Michael. We then begin to talk about God, and how it’s sometimes hard to believe. Despite that though, he told me how recently after receiving communion at Mass, he went back to pray, and surrendered his son to God.  He realized that there was nothing more he could do for him, so he gave him up to God.  We talked about pilgrimages him and his mother had been on praying for his son.  And we talked about his other children and how their lives have been affected.

A bit of relief comes into his voice as he talks about his son being in jail.  The week earlier, he had been imprisoned, and the father knows he’s safe there.  It’s Easter night, I’m just coming back from hanging out with friends, I met a cab driver who I chalked up to be an opinionated Westie, and now I am sitting silently with a broken man thinking about the meaning of Easter.  In a moment like this, the Easter eggs, family dinners, and new clothes don’t really mean much.  Rather the truth that God became man, entered into our suffering, died on the cross, conquered sin and death, rose from the dead in order that we may have hope and new life becomes much more real, yet doesn’t make any sense at all. The more I share about the Easter story the more it makes absolutely no sense to me.  Rather, all I can do it believe and find a deep sense of hope that it’s true.  And I try to share this truth and love with others.

I finally pay my cab fare 4 pounds (he didn’t give me the Easter rate, but rather the regular price), and I ask him his name.  It’s Michael just like his sons.   I tell him the story of St. Michael the Archangel, and how he fought Satan and kicked him out of Heaven.  He’s a warrior, and I think it’s good that his son bears the name.  Michael, the driver, told me that he believes that everything happens for a reason, and he believes we were meant to meet.  I believe we were too.  And now, hanging on my prayer wall is the names “Michael and Michael,” and I regularly lift them up in prayer.  I pray the Spirit fills their lives and the cycles of sin and death break!  For on Easter day, Christ was victorious and I hope for the day when their will be no more tears or death but rather rejoicing. Until that sweet day, I will follow the footsteps of my Savior entering into the suffering around me in order that the light of Christ may shine in the darkness.  Love always wins!