To Return?

I haven't blogged in such a long time, but I always think of doing it.  Each time I think about writing a blog, I get overwhelmed by the fact it's been so long.  Where do I even begin? Can I write a short blog even though I haven't written an update?  How do I even begin to write an update?  How do I keep it short yet properly update people on things?  I always have a good thought, but then when I go to sit down, I lose it.  So rather than writing a blog, I talk myself out of it and put it on my mental list for "another day." You know... like one day.

Today as I was thinking through this process yet again, it got me thinking of other people who want to return to something yet aren't sure where to begin.  Maybe it's a broken relationship that they want to ammend.  Or after walking out of the house years ago, they long to go back but aren't sure what they will find.  Then there are the people who have left the Church for one reason or another.  After many years, the longing for God aches their heart. They want to go back to church yet aren't sure how.  They fear the stares of being new or maybe even worse being remembered. What would they say? How would they even begin? The insecurity rises and so often returning is put off for "another day." You know... like one day.

Why do we let these fears and insecurities engulf us?  Holding us back like a leash around our neck? When we feel the pull, we stop and turn back.  Never returning to that in which we left.  The longing is still there, but the fear stops us.

The thing I have learned about fear is that it can't kills.  Fear itself can't even hurt us.  All it can do is hank on our heart and then we stop.  But what makes up this leash?  This leash that stops us from returning. It's often not returning that we fear.  But maybe the real fear is the fear of others.  What will they think? How will they act? What might they say?  I wonder if the majority of our insecurities are wrapped up in others... What the may think, act or say.

But what if we untied the leash around our necks and lived in the freedom God called us to.  What if we had a new master? One who doesn't place a leash around our necks, but instead allows us to live freely without a collar or a rope.  A master who knows us and calls us by name.  We know where to go because we know our masters voice.  And what if our master calls us to return and we were able to do so freely without the leash of fear or insecurities wrapped around our heart.  To return with a sense of peace and freedom and a knowledge of who we belonged to.  What if this was how we were to return not like one day but rather today?!

Want to Come to My Fundraiser?

Want to come to my fundraiser?  A few friends and I were joking that this past month the only socializing we have been doing is by going to fundraisers to support mission trips this summer.  Whether it is a Friday night gig, a curry off, a breakfast morning, a pub quiz, a bag pack, a street collection, or a garden project in the last few weeks this has been both my work and social life.  Not only to prepare for a mission trip that I am taking in a few weeks, but to also support my friends who are doing service this summer. 

In less than two weeks, on July 4th, I will be traveling with young people I work with in YI from West Belfast and Downpatrick on a mission trip to Romania.  There are 20 of us forming a guys and girls team traveling together to Romania to be challenged, experience a new culture, learn about simplicity and poverty, serve local communities, and grow in faith.  During the two weeks the girls team will run a holiday Bible club in the morning with children aged 3-12 from the local Roma-Gypsy community,   sharing the story of Daniel.  In the afternoons we will be doing home visitations with local families, as well as teaching English classes. In the evenings we will have special time as a team to reflect and share our experiences of the day.   At this part of the day we will also be journeying through different areas of faith through our team meditations, looking at the theme of  “Am I brave enough to… ?” and times of worship and prayer together.   We are really excited about what God will do in the seven young women He has hand-picked for this team; Aine, Chloe, Dearbhla, Niamh, Piper, Rachel and Rhianna.

We are still needing nearly £2,000 ($3,300)  in order to go.  Since most of you reading this aren’t from Belfast, I’m hoping you can come to my fundraiser!  Unfortunately, you won’t be able to enjoy curry or have your garden weeded.  But you can listen to music and give to an incredible cause. So listen to this SONG and please support our trip to Romania by clicking here… I mean HERE! :0) (Money can be designated to the team fundraising. Thanks a million!)  Every little bit helps even if its $10, $20, or $30. It will make a huge difference! 

Most importantly please, please, PLEASE be praying for us!  Pray for health and safety, the community we are working with, our relationships, and that we can all grow more into the men and women God created us to be.  Please email me at sarah.nilles@gmail.com if you would like more specifics of what to pray for.  Thanks for taking part in my fundraiser and like always being an incredible support to my life. 

Love to you all, SARAH

Please keep us in your prayers as we are away
from July 4-16 in Romania. 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

St. Patrick's Day!  - a day for celebration, wearing green, remembering Ireland, and over drinking.  I loved St. Patrick's Day growing up.  Maybe it was the drop of Irish blood in me or the fact that Americans love the Irish.  There is a tradition that you pinch someone if they aren't wearing green.  One evening my dad came home from work without wearing any green on St. Paddy's day, and I asked him if he was wearing green underwear.  He told me "Yes," so he got away without a pinch.  Later he admitted that he had lied to me and he wasn't wearing green underwear.  He just didn't want to get pinched.

This year, I wasn't sure what I was going to do for St. Patrick's day, but after a family member asked me what I was going to do- I decided I should do something memorable for St. Paddy's day.  I heard a parade was occurring in town, so I invited my friend Paul to come with me for an afternoon of Irish adventure in Belfast City Centre.  Below are pictures documenting our St. Paddy's adventure.

Green Grass- one of my favourite things about Ireland.
Just lying out in front of City Hall

So what do you eat for St. Patrick's Day?  Actually people in Ireland Do NOT eat corn beef and cabbage on St. Paddy's day.  I've actually never eaten corn beef and cabbage before.  Paul suggested that we get "tradition" burritos from Boojum.  So delicious!

We came into town too late for the parade (had to go to Mass), but I was determined to find some St. Paddy's Day festivities.  Heading to the river, we found a free concert!

A little boy was collecting flags, so I asked him for one of his. 

I absolute love exploring new places in a city.  We headed to Cathedral Quarter to get drinks at The Duke of York Pub.  New discoveries were made while walking down alleyways and streets.  Paul frequently would take me into random pubs just to take a look before continuing our way.

A pint of Guinness!

We even met a cow along the way! It reminded me of home. 

On Sunday evenings, I work with the Well Youth Prayer group, and after missing one train, I was determined to make the next to get back in time. Unfortunately, the police closed down the railroad lines because of a bomb scare.  Usually the bomb scares never affect me, but of course on the day when I am running late it did.  I was able to get a black taxi up to Lagmore and be back for in time. 

Yikes, the train line is closed!

St. Patrick's Day a holy day of obligation for Catholics in Ireland. At Mass, we sang traditional Irish Catholic songs.  It was brilliant.  A few parts of the Mass were even said in Irish.  I only know the Sign of the Cross in Irish though. After going to Mass with Laura and Siobhan where I received blessed shamrocks, I went for a walk with my friend Christiana in Lady Dixon Park. 

The park was filled with blooming lilies!

I spent the afternoon cleaning my room, watching TV, and resting.  I even learned about GAA/ Gaelic  football and hurling.  Hurling is such a fast paced field game, and brilliant to watch.  Gaelic football is a little bit of everything including soccer, football, and basketball.  I don't fully get it, but I hope to play one day.  At 6'o clock we headed to the pub to listen to traditional music, dance, and banter with friends.  I loved it!

So, that's what I did for St. Patrick's Day, Aunt Margaret!  It wasn't anything too special, but it was brilliant.  I am so blessed by incredible friends, a beautiful country to live in, and a life full of adventure.  May I continue to remember the legacy of St. Patrick through the missionary work the Lord has called me to here in Ireland.  

Mind Blown... rantish

Laura and I a year ago.  Little did we know that we would be working together
this year leading the faith development program. 

God... faith... religion is incredible and MIND BLOWING.  So I sit down to write a quick reflection on Sunday's Mass readings and my thoughts about obeying God through choosing His will (aka living in Belfast)  As I start writing, I copy down a few verses.  Then it reminds me of a few verses from Deuteronomy.  After finding that, I decide to look up my original verses in my study Bible.  This leads me to learn that there is no "Ecclesisticus" in my Bible.  What? So after googling it, I learned that Ecclesiasticus is another name for the Book of Sirach (sorry my protestant brothers and sisters... being oober Catholic here. :0) 

Then I get going on the whole "Jerusalem Bible translation/ IEV" verse "New American Bible" translation.  I swear all of these Bible translations are going to be the end of me.  This of course reminds me of my whole frustration of finding suitable Catholic Youth Bibles for Irish young people in a translation that they may hear in Mass. AKA - I do not want our young people walking around with massive, but incredible Youth Bibles that say on the front "New American Bible." You CAN be a Catholic Irish person.  Ok, ok, I know... I need to get over this, but seriously Catholic Youth Bibles in the IEV translation.  Or at least being able to know where to look for one.  This one of the many challenges I face not growing up in Ireland and understanding how things work.  Let me not even begin to talk about politics.  Imagine if I was in Africa... 

I've decided that I am going to start asking questions and contacting people about Bibles for young people. I decided with the place I know best- St. Mary's Press where I received the Ambassador of Christ Award from.  Instead of writing them a letter, I found myself going through their resources and watching videos about faith.  Things that gave me a whole new perspective on faith... God... and religion.  It's amazing!

The best thing is, this doesn't just happen when I am at home having down time.  This happens when I'm at work.  As a faith development worker, I often have a Bible.. or two opened up in front of my desk with another resource book or two.  I'm youtubing things or listening to new music while trying to put together a class, prepare for a session at the Well, or just learn more about my Catholic Christian faith that I am trying to share with others.  

It's not so much about what I can teach them, but what we can learn together. It used to be about what I knew and could pass on to them, but the reality is... I don't know that much.  There are a lot better qualified faith development workers out there, but the reality is... I've been chosen alongside Laura for this position.  It's not about knowing everything or trying to do things perfectly.  It's about surrendering, realizing my littleness, and allowing God to work through me.  He's the greatest teacher. 

That's one thing I have been really convicted of since being home in Iowa, God keeping us beyond ourselves so we have to rely completely on His grace.  I've talked about this a lot especially as the song Oceans is becoming more popular.  Just when I think I am starting to figure things out, a curve ball comes in changing everything.  It reminds me that I'm not in control and God truly is.  At the Well youth prayer group we pray "You are God. I am not. I trust in you."  What more can we really do?  

That's basically what I do with my life.  I ask questions. I look things up.  I listen.  I challenge. I explore and learn. I pray. I hangout and build relationships.  It's not rocket science, but it is truly mind blowing.  I am beyond blessed that this is the life God has called me to live. 

My Messy Room

My room is a complete disaster and at 11:30 at night I decided to wash the massive pile of dishes littering the kitchen.  In less than 60 hours, my plane leaves from Belfast International airport back to the States for a two and a half week visit, and I have no idea how I am supposed to fit 100 plus hours into 60.

That's why I decided to do the dishes tonight. I couldn't bare going into the mess tomorrow morning while silently trying to rush around clashing pots and pans while washing dishes waking my sick roommate at an unreasonable hour. Mostly though, I knew that I would busy myself first thing in the morning rather than taking a prayer time.  "Unless The Lord builds the house, they labor in vain..." Psalm 127.1. I know that if I don't put first things first everything will crumble apart.  In these next 60 hours I can rush around trying to make everything work or I could slow down, take time with the King of kings and Lord of lords and allow HIM to direct my day.  He knows how many hours are in a day and He will provide for exactly what I need.  A friend once told me to stop worrying because God would allow enough time for exactly what He knows I need to do if only I trust Him.  You are God. I am not. I trust in You.  Such a simple prayer, but how often to do forget it?

So my bedroom floor may be covered in piles of clothes, work, math tutoring, tissues, and things to bring home, but at least I know where everything is.  It's organized chaos with everything being in a "neighborhood." There isn't much space in my 6ft by 9ft bedroom, but I make do. My bag never really got unpacked from two weekends ago for when I went away this past weekend.  I have no idea when I will pack for America or really what I'm going to bring.  I'm flat out with work between now and 10:30 on Wednesday night but again I know it's all going to work out.  There is constantly little things that need to be done, but it all doesn't need to be done today.

Sometimes, we just need to learn how to live in the chaos of our lives and see the beauty within it. Jesus loves being with us in the messiness, and he doesn't expect us to be perfect. Rather he desires for us to be his. Perfectly and completely His. I pray that tomorrow the first thing I do when I wake up is surrender my day to him remember that he will provide the time for the things HE has in store for me rather than the endless to do list I expect of myself. Maybe I'll even see my bedroom floor before I leave... Just to make sure it's still there.

8 Days

In 8 days on Thursday February 6, I am headed back to the States for a two and a half week visit. I've been talking about it daily for weeks now. I'm so excited to just spend time in my parents house, chilling, heating, and just being with them. I'll also visit other family and friends in Iowa and Illinois and spend a few days visiting friends in the Twin Cities.  The goal of the trip is just to have some time off recharging for my service in Belfast.

In some ways it feels like I was just back in the States, but I know for my parents they patiently wait for my visits back to Iowa. Last time I was home, I literally traveled all over the Midwest visiting friends and fundraising.  It was incredible being able to see so many people, but it wasn't necessarily restful. I'm constantly having to battle myself to take time off and just rest. When my family isn't around its easy to get wrapped up in work or the busyness of life.

I look forward to sleeping in, watching movie with mom while knitting a scarf, playing cards with dad, and having dinners together.  It will be strange to go from mild wet weather into the snow covered frozen tundra.  I can't wait to eat my favorite foods, see my new room, and drive a car. I'm so blessed to be from a family who loves me so much, and I long to spend more time with them.  As much as my family loves me, I am so grateful that they let me go, to follow Gods call on my life and the great adventure in which I am on. It really is a wonderful adventure!

Snippets of 2013

Snippets of 2013

New Years with Maigheard at the Chelsea. Staying at Elaine and Mags. Moving up the mountain to the OHares. Proper Westie meals- meat and potatoes. Boggle and cards. Frozen meals. Allergy room. Grey, grey, and more grey. Hannahstown Church. Being sick for a month. Can't remember much except being sick and homesick. Rain and sunshine. Black taxis. Late night McDonalds trips. UCO lifts home. #purebant. Last touch back. The fight of Christ classes. Semi-silent retreat at Portglenone. #D7 Discerning the call on my life.  St. George's Market with Elaine for crepes. Sitting in the upstairs office on the floor. The old PC. #stinkin Ash Wednesday Lifeline night. Under pressure. Outreach forms. Hope Rises. Love Wins. The Well #outofthedarknessitrises.  Poland. Kairos Conference. Worship in Polish. #newmates Krakow at Night. Beer tent. #trumpetplayermidstop. Shammy Burnsh. "See your face..." Ball pit. "Mummy!" Hyper night. Cheap pretzels and sketchy neighborhoods. Hunting Lodge. Irish rainbows. Surfing X2. Heather's Hen Do. Sketchy beach games. Portrush rides. Family to Ireland.  Family vacation up North. Staying in youth hostels. New discoveries. So beautiful. Titanic Quarters. Discovering the waterfall. Dad driving. Seeing my life in Belfast. Elaine letting us stay at he house. Moving to Siobhans. #roomies.  Illegal garden. Dublin Vacation. Sun, wee beers, and laying out. Seeing Bono's house. Time with the Morans. The Well to the beach.  Beach and mountains with Siobhan.  #adventureswithsiobhan. Amazing Summer Scheme Team! 12341234TwinbrookTwinbrook. #divedeep #life Water and stress. Laughter and bonding.  So many memories and good pictures. Driving Tonys car. #stalledat3redlights. Too many leaving parties. Choosing Belfast.  Falling in love with this city. Up the mountains. Favorite sights. Digging Deeper Summer Camp. Banbridge girls. Young people encountering God. SPO Ohio people in Ireland. Praying with Nuts girls. 3 AM walk with East girl talking about God. Prayer room. Marquee.  Who camps in Ireland? #wet #floodingtents  Visit back to the States. Surprise of seeing Grandpa and Grandma at the airport.  #myparentsareamazing. Hanging out with my family in Naperville. #cousintime Swimming. Eating. Trampolines. Catching up. Steak, potatoes, salad, and peach pie. #ilovemyfamily Going to the lake house with Grandparents, Mary Rose, and Anna. Buying peaches and stopping at a priests house. Going skiing and floating. Driving my pick up truck around 6 states and over 600 miles in one month. #coffeeandpints Back home in Detroit. Back and forth between Detroit and Ann Arbor visiting friend. I don't remember Ann Arbor roads as well as I thought. #ihategettinglost Road trip to Columbus. Connections with parishes and SPO friends. Not Belfast Bant #missingbelfastmates Videos to Siobhan. Finally back in Iowa. All my favorite food. #redjello #iowafood Family time intertwined with support raising. #madness #myparentsreallyareamazing. Supporters over for dinner. So blessed by my friends and time in Minnesota. #encouraged #loved #laughter #perspective Trip to Target with Joe Hall. Massages with Kelsey.  Watching the sunset over the Mississippi River. Another stop in Iowa and Illinois before heading back to Belfast. Mexican food. Hating saying goodbye to my parents in the airport. #dontknowwhenimcomingback Good to be back in Belfast. A couple of weeks adjusting back to YI life. Debbie and I running faith development. Laura and I running faith development! #what?!? #forsuchatimeasthis #godisgood. I'm getting paid a wee bit... Like just a wee bit, but it's amazing to have my rent paid for. Transitions. Never get too settled. Glow girls group in full swing. #silliness Unique program. Sky trek high ropes course. "Sarah's scared too- she'll go first." Thanks Sheena. Glow Garden. #growth TkOne meetings with girls and staff. Happy 25th Birthday to Me! Piñata and sleep over with Debz and Heather. Siobhan's away. Dublin trip with Christiana. Lunch theater.  Dublin Castle.  Birthday pint in Temple Bar.  Birthday Lords Day at the Brothers. Dance party in their living room. Out to the Kings Head for pints. #blessed #loved #belfastfam #bringon25. Random trips around Northern Ireland with Heather. New sights and loads of laughs. Still not sure how I'm in charge of faith development. Laura and I figuring things out. #vision #grace Amazing faith development team. Homesickness. Thanksgiving at the Brothers. Charis Women's Retreat at White Park Bay #sisters Late night swim in the sea. #memories #baltic #adventure Advent. Paths. Always running into people in town. Christmas continental market. Isaiah. Auna from Divis Bode is coming.  Worlds collide again. Unprepared. Christmas excitement. Plans with Siobhan. Siobhan and I are actual roomies! Baking Christmas cookies with Ciara. Christmas Eve steak dinner at the Tony and Sorchas, followed by games at Matthew and Sheenas and midnight Mass in Lagmore with some of the young people. O Holy Night. Up until 4 AM. Holding baby Jesus close. Christmas dress. Presents, prayer, and egg dish for breakfast. I'm going to see River Dance! Call in at the Darragh's and keep getting things served to you. Christmas dinner with the Byrnes plus 5 Americans. Meeting Laura's aunts. Boxing Day at the Darragh's and of course The Kings Head. No more room to eat.  Harry Potter Marathon. New Years in Glasgow.  His. Witnessing miracles. Seeing lives transformed. Being transformed myself. You are God. I am not. I trust in You.